Wilting?

Thing I made:; Let’s say that you wish to flip a switch, there is no point to the switch and it doesn’t do anything, and that’s because you didn’t hire an electrician because it was too expensive, and was too lazy to wire it yourself, but you had all the time in the world to do it. You didn’t want to wire it because last time there was a rat in the walls, and that was quote on quote “too scary,” and that leads into the fact that you also didn’t hire an exterminator, because if they came, they’re realize that your house wasn’t up to code, then the Home Association would be phoned, and they’d be on you about it as if they weren’t already breathing down your neck because your dumb uncle Tom thought it would’ve been a good idea to cannonball into your pool after you’d already drained the water, and broke his hip bone, and now you’ve got all this damn paperwork to sign and hundreds of dollars to pay after he sued you for "psychological trauma.” Before you flip the switch, you must first inspect the switch and the surrounding area, to make sure it is safe to do so. You must also make sure that the switch is aligned perfectly with the wall, and that the switch is already flipped off, because last time that you didn’t do that, you accidentally turned off the life support, and killed your cousin three times removed. Luckily no one caught you, but you still feel a bit of guilt. Not too much though as he wasn’t very close, but he did bail you out of jail for accidentally running over someone’s mailbox. You must also make sure that the surrounding area isn’t dangerous, and that you’re wearing gloves, because you took that online test three years ago and are pretty sure that you might possibly be allergic to latex, and aren’t sure if the light switch contains it, as you couldn’t find the nutritional facts on the back. After putting your gloves on and safety goggles (you don’t want to accidentally let any microplastic that came off the switch due to the friction from your gloves get into your eyes) you’re prepared to flip your switch. But wait! You’ve never flipped a switch before. This is a monumental turning point in your life! You’ll need to remember this forever, and show it off to others to see the pride from their eyes drain due to your sheer superiority, and be able to feed on their humility. You’ll need to go grab your phone and record a video of this extraordinary moment. But unfortunately your phone didn’t fully charge last night after you spent 6 hours doomscrolling on youtube, and constantly thinking “I should probably go to bed now,” but then you’d see a cat playing the piano and have completely forgotten what you were thinking about. After realizing this, you go to plug it in, but it doesn’t charge. Then you remember that you have that weird phone charger that needs to be held at a certain angle in order for it to charge. So you spend the next half an hour trying to find the perfect position, and once you do, you freeze in place, not even daring to move. You stay like this for about an hour or so before you unplug it. You try to turn it on, but nothing happens. You click the power button once, twice, three times. Still: Nothing. You follow the cord back behind the bed, and find a hole in the wall where the outlet should have been. You push the bed out of the way and crawl through the hole, only to find that same rat that you saw all those years ago when you were attempting to wire the switch yourself. The rat has now ascended to a much higher rank in the rat hierarchy, and has reached godhood. It looks down at you, and demands a human sacrifice, and then he will charge your phone for you. You run through your mind all the possible candidates, and decide to sacrifice uncle Tom. The rat summons Tom through a demon circle, (mainly because it paid for the unlimited summoning plan, and it’s going to get its money’s worth) and sends him down to the deepest layer of hell, where he is to be skinned, decapitated, and torn apart. After which he will be revived, only for it to start over again. You look down at your phone, overjoyed to see that it is completely charged. You thank the rat king, and begin heading back to your bedroom. You rush back over to the switch, more than prepared to flip it once and for all. But you get back, and realize that the switch is gone. You search and search for it, but can’t find it anywhere. So you go to your phone and open up the Find My Switch app. You open up the map section, and scroll around, hoping to find it, but can’t. All of a sudden, the realization hits you: Uncle Tom took the switch. You rush back to the rat god, asking him if it can summon the switch back. It says that it cannot, but it can grant you another switch. But that wouldn’t be the same, you need that switch. So you quickly grab 5 candles and a piece of chalk, crafting a makeshift demon circle. You bow and you pray for hours, and then finally it opens up, Satan rising from the floor. You beg Satan to give you the switch back in exchange for your soul, pouring your heart out into your plea. Satan replies, saying that for corporate reasons, he’s no longer allowed to accept souls, or any gifts over 500$ in value, though he does take payments from capital one, as they’ve set up headquarters down there. You droop your head in disappointment, as you only have a master card. Satan sinks back into the ground, extinguishing the candles as he leaves. You guess that you’ll have to settle for a new switch. You get into your car and head on over to home depot to buy yourself a new switch. You can’t go to Lowes after they wrongfully banned you for setting fire to their heat insulators. (They completely overreacted, as it was only a couple shelves, and would’ve been easy to replace) You walk into home depot, only to see christmas decorations. In August. This sight manages to infuriate you beyond words, the flame that burns in your heart is hotter than the sun itself, the feeling can be felt by those around you. A home depot employee kindly walks up to you and asks if you’d like to join their membership program. This was the last straw. You grab them firmly, and throw them at the giant inflatable santa. Nearby employees begin calling security, and bystanders take a couple steps back, some of them beginning to record you on their phones. You enter a blind rage, running around and shredding every jolly thing you can get your hands on. Mistletoe, wrapping, reindeers, elf hats, snow machines, ribbon, wreathes, and ornaments all fall under your wrath. Security begins showing up, pulling out their tasers and pointing them at you, demanding that you stop at once. But you don’t listen, you just keep on shredding everything, and before you know it, fifty thousand volts of electricity are being pumped into your body, knocking you out instantly. You wake up in a jail cell, handcuffs bind your hands behind your back. You’re seated on a cold metal bench, barren and unpadded. You feel a wave of disappointment, sad that you didn’t achieve your goal. You think that this is the end for you, that this is what you’ll be remembered for, the psychopath who destroyed home depot. As you begin to despair, you turn to see a light switch. A light switch. Your dreams can finally come true! You rush over, using your chin to flip it, and you hear the melodious and sweet sound of the *click* as the lights turn off. You did it! You finally did it! An overwhelming feeling of accomplishment floods over you. But then you realize that you were allergic to latex and explode. The end.