ME: *FINDS CHEESE IN THE BACK OF THE FRIDGE*; BRAIN: THAT’S DEFINITELY EXPIRED; STOMACH: BUT IT STILL SMELLS KINDA FINE; ME: CHEESE IS JUST MILK’S FINAL BOSS ANYWAY; FRIEND: DON’T DO IT; ME: ALREADY CHEWING; HOUR 1: FEELING LIKE A CULINARY ADVENTURER; HOUR 2: CONFIDENCE LEVEL = GORDON RAMSAY; HOUR 3: SLIGHT STOMACH RUMBLE; HOUR 4: GOOGLING 'CAN YOU DIE FROM OLD CHEESE'; HOUR 5: SWEATING LIKE I RAN A MARATHON; HOUR 6: BARGAINING WITH EVERY HIGHER POWER; HOUR 7: SWEARING I'LL RESPECT EXPIRATION DATES FOREVER; HOUR 8: WONDERING IF THIS IS MY VILLAIN ORIGIN STORY; HOUR 9: RECLINED DRAMATICALLY ON THE BATHROOM FLOOR; HOUR 10: STOMACH VS. CHEESE: FINAL BATTLE; SURVIVAL TIME: ??? I CAN SURVIVE TO EAT BEST CHEESES