Saw a Craigslist ad that said: "Need three big Italian guys to attend a funeral. Dress sharp. Look connected." No questions asked. Obviously, I applied.
Show up in a thrifted suit with two strangers who also answered. We shake hands and instantly agree our names are all Tony. For authenticity.
Inside, it's dead silent-pun intended-and we walk in like a deleted scene from Goodfellas. We sit front row, arms folded, sunglasses on indoors. People start whispering. Priest looks like he wants to skip to the credits.
When it's our turn to "pay respects," one Tony leans in and goes, "You were like a father to all of us... in business and in life." The other mutters, "The docks ain't gonna be the same without ya." I panic and kiss my fingers like I'm blessing the casket, whispering, "We'll take care of the thing, boss. Don't you worry."
On the way out, some old guy grabs my hand, teary-eyed, and says,
"He'd be proud."
Craigslist had me role-playing The Godfather for $100 and a cannoli.
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