NAH NAH NAH—AIN’T NO WAY YOU WADDLED UP TO THAT MCDONALD’S COUNTER LIKE IT WAS YOUR CORONATION CEREMONY, TALKIN’ ‘BOUT “CAN I GET SIX BURGERS” LIKE YOU DIDN’T JUST EAT FIVE IN THE PARKING LOT. YOU BUILT LIKE A SEASON FINALE. YOU DON’T ORDER FOOD, YOU LAUNCH MILITARY OPERATIONS. THE CASHIER TOOK YOUR ORDER AND PASSED OUT FROM CALORIE OVERLOAD.
YOU CHEWING ON THEM BURGERS LIKE THEY GOT CHEAT CODES IN ‘EM. YOU ATE SO MUCH, THE GRILL STARTED CRYING. THE ICE CREAM MACHINE HEARD YOU COMING AND MELTED ITSELF OUT OF RESPECT. RONALD MCDONALD GAVE YOU HIS TWO WEEKS NOTICE. THE CHICKEN NUGGETS RAN OUT THE BACK DOOR. YOU AIN’T JUST EATIN’, YOU COMMITTING WAR CRIMES IN THE KITCHEN.
YOU OUT HERE LOOKIN’ LIKE THE FINAL BOSS OF GOLDEN CORRAL. YOUR STOMACH GOT PATCH NOTES. YOU GULPING DOWN BIG MACS LIKE THEY OWE YOU CHILD SUPPORT. THE COWS IN TEXAS WENT EXTINCT WHEN YOU WALKED IN. YOU DIDN’T ORDER A MEAL—YOU ORDERED A MASS EXTINCTION. THE BUNS CRACKED UNDER PRESSURE, THE LETTUCE SIGNED A PETITION TO RETIRE.
YOU BUILT LIKE A DLC PACK FOR DIABETES. THE FRIES IN YOUR BAG STARTED SCREAMING. YOUR CALORIE COUNT GOT A SEQUEL. EVERY TIME YOU BITE, A VEGETARIAN HAS A HEART ATTACK. YOU DON'T EAT TO SURVIVE, YOU EAT TO CONQUER. YOU THE ONLY PERSON TO GET BANNED FROM DOORDASH FOR OVERUSING THE “REORDER” BUTTON.
EVEN YOUR SHADOW GOT HIGH CHOLESTEROL. YOUR TEETH GOT PTSD. YOU OPENED THE BAG AND THE GREASE SAID “PLEASE… NO MORE.” YOU AIN’T GOT A METABOLISM, YOU GOT A BLACK HOLE. THE BURGERS DISAPPEARED SO FAST, NASA STARTED TAKING NOTES. GIRL IF HUNGER WAS AN OLYMPIC SPORT, YOU’D HAVE GOLD, SILVER, AND THE GO***MN PODIUM ITSELF.
