Heard mom in church asking one of the 5 point Calvinist women to babysit me this evening. Pooped in my diaper without crying 15 minutes before she got there. Smeared poop in my crib then; started to cry when mom & dad left so she'd have to change me. Held my pee until she started. Aimed for her mouth right when she said I was likely a baby God foreordained to hell. Went straight into her mouth. Then the icing on the cake happened. Older brother came into the room & saw it & told her that God predestined me to do it then she slipped in some of my pee on the floor & fell face first onto the poopy diaper. I didn't know success of that degree existed! Proud of myself!
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