I'm very sorry about the pain you're feeling right now. You were closer to Fish than any of us. And maybe he won't ever come back, but he'd want us to hope he does.
You're not wrong. The Understream is a Paintedfishless, drama filled hell where we can be happy just a little bit.
Before he left, Painted's last act was to change his name to SCP-055. The imperceptable. We cannot see him. But he is there, and one day we're gonna find him.