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MY DEAREST FELLOW, PERMIT ME, IF YOU WILL, TO ENGAGE IN A MOMENT OF FRANK DISCOURSE, FOR I FIND MYSELF QUITE UNABLE TO WITHHOLD THE WORDS THAT SO FERVENTLY PRESS UPON MY SPIRIT. IN THE COUNTLESS PARLOURS I HAVE GRACED, AMIDST GENTLEMEN OF STATURE AND LADIES OF REMARKABLE REFINEMENT, I HAVE ENCOUNTERED MANY A CHARACTER , SOME OF BRILLIANCE AND CHARM, OTHERS OF WIT AND CANDOUR, AND YET A RARE FEW WHOSE MERE PRESENCE WOULD CHILL THE AIR LIKE A GUST FROM THE NORTHERN SEA. IT IS, REGRETTABLY, INTO THIS LATTER CATEGORY THAT YOUR COMPORTMENT APPEARS MOST COMFORTABLY NESTLED. AND THUS, GOOD SIR, I CONCLUDE WITH THIS MOURNFUL TRUTH, RENDERED IN THE MOST GENTEEL AND VICTORIAN OF CANDOUR: YOU ARE, ALAS, NOT IN POSSESSION OF THE QUALITIES TYPICALLY ASSOCIATED WITH ONE WHO MIGHT BE CONSIDERED COOL , NAY, NOT EVEN TEPID. YOU DWELL, I FEAR, AT A TEMPERATURE MOST FRIGID. INDEED, IF COOLNESS WERE A REALM, YOU WOULD BE EXILED THRICE OVER AND REFUSED ENTRY AT THE GATE, YOUR BOOTS MUDDIED AND YOUR CRAVAT ASKEW.