Part 9, I'm boredddddd

May 30 2025

Reminder for myself.

"I've been in the abyss for too long. I've spent too much time among sad, sick people. I love each and every one of them, but they ARE sick and its up to me to try and heal them. Anyway...

I say this because I messaged [REDACTED] yesterday to ask how her day was going and she didn't reply. After a few hours, I began to fear for the worst.

Fortunately, she's fine. Just had family over. But I shouldn't have worried about her in the first place. Shouldn't have had to.

But this is how I have been shaped by my environment. Just this morning, someone on Imgflip was casually talking about killing him/herself.

It pains me, what a screwed-up world we live in. It pains me, to see people suffer so. I want to hug them, to hold them, to comfort them, to show them that everything will be alright."

January 12, 2024
This is actually a really cool idea tho

Thanks!
As for the entry... hoo boy. It's right around the time I almost killed myself.
"It seems like every year I do something really stupid that I spend the rest of the year recovering from/atoning for. Every year the magnitude of my stupidity reaches new heights. I don't have to worry about that anymore, since the world is likely to end on 1/8/25.

Most teenagers ease into stupidity. Sex, drugs, etc. But NOOOO, I did the stupidest thing I had ever done or will ever have done. I don't have to worry about the other stuff anymore, at least. This is rock bottom. From here I can only go up. I just need time.
Time that I don't have.
Time that none of us have.
There is never enough time.
You only live once."

Oh damn... YOU'RE A PHILOSOPHER LMAOOOOOOO

It has been... forced upon me by circumstances I wish to God had never happened.

november 2, 2024
my birthday :3

Got Nov 4:
"Learned the fundamental theorem of calculus today... it's about bloody time. Still nothing on the test, though... the suspense is killing me! I've seen like 4 people leave [REDACTED]'s class. I had a WEIRD dream last night. I was trying to solve a 20x20 Rubix cube and (obviously) failed horribly. Then [REDACTED] comes out of the shadows and says: 'To solve the cube, you have to solve yourself first.' Kinda reminded me of that spoon scene from The Matrix.

STUFF FOR SEE NO EVIL
- Distance clicker
- Collecting stuff

And guess what I made on my test?? A f**king 54. Again. Never before, not even in the darkest Prophet days, have I just... just wanted to... not die, but curl up in a hole somewhere and not have anything to do with my species ever again."

damn :(

April 20th 2025

Got April 21
"It really pains me to be apart from not just [REDACTED], but the rest of the gang as well. Anyway, enough with the mushy stuff. Here's a to-do list.
Chem - final
Chem - course eval

Eng - finish vid (intro, final edit, upload)

Trig - study
Trig - HW
Trig - quiz
Trig - course eval

Bio - stobadoby
Bio - course eval

In order...
Course evals
Finish vid
Final"