I'm sorry. I'm sorry I can't help. I'm not gonna tell you to just "stay positive" cus its not that f**king easy. I can only imagine how many times people have recommended you to a therapist but that takes time, money, planning, and cooperation. honestly. All I can say (which is probably useless advice) do what you enjoy. do what feels natural to you. do what makes you happy because I can't give you a will to live, but I can try to help you enjoy living.