JimmyHere Burrito

I need to get something off my chest. I feel like a horrible person. I was a horrible person and maybe I still am. Back during the end of middle school and the beginning of highschool I had my first girlfriend. We used to be best friends, but everyone made fun of us thinking we were dating, so one day we thought "ykw let's try it" and that was the worst mistake of my life. I didn't know how dating worked, and my hormones were all over the place. I was maturing and she wasn't, or maybe it's the other way around I don't f**king know. Anyways I was horny as shit and she wasn't, but my stupid autistic ass didn't understand that. We didn't see each other outside of school so we did roleplays in text. I was so unbelievably manipulative and selfish and horny and she didn't like it but I didn't know how relationships worked and I kept being weird and creepy anyway and I hate myself for that. After the breakup I continued being selfish, blaming her for everything. I now avoid her in public at all costs because I'm still uncomfortable with myself being around her, idk how to explain how I feel. I feel so f**king bad for her because of what I did. I think I've changed but idk how to tell her, but I also don't want to put her near me ever again. I want her to forget I exist. But now that I've been taken out of highschool early for reasons I can't explain right now, I know I'll never see her again. I think I've ruined my life and I can't even imagine how much I ruined hers. Idk how to apologize now. Every day I think about how horrible of a person I was and I question if I've changed at all