,

Man I hated it when the Big Bang happened

I hated living with the dinosaurs they always tried to eat me 🤦‍♀️

i tried to warn lincoln of the shooting but i failed

🫣when I ran accidentally over a dog with my wagon in 1703 April 5th 😢

Bro my dog got ate by a megalodon smh

My great grandfather was Jesus Christ, the dude would literally say “HEY BUD, wanna go swimmin in the river” so I would put my shorts on and we’d go to the river BUT THE MF JUST WALKED AROUND ON THE WATER,

The good ol days

Brooo I was classmates with him

🤨do you still practice Judaism these days

Nahh not anymore

Me fr. Just remembering I voted for Woodrow Wilson in the 1910s and facepalming 🤦

I literally voted for William Harrison in 1840 and he literally died a month into his term bro 🤦‍♀️

Damn that sucks zlawg
I made the mistake of going into Ford’s Theater the night Lincoln was shot, Booth landed on me as he hit the stage and yelled “sic semper tyrannis” right in my ear
Permanently damaged my hearing and gave me a permanent limp 🤦

Ppl say the oldest person alive is Inah Canabarro Lucas when I'm literally older than her 🤦‍♀️

Wow smh

damn