Can't even win against Easy CPUs

The word you're looking for is "rigged"

Master CPU, yes.
Easy CPU, light work. The thing is, don't have the most f**king Coins. If ANY CPU hits the Boo, they will make your life a living hell. If you have 253 Coins, and the others have 43, 78, and 12, the CPU will tax you. Try to hold 2nd Place in terms of Coins as long as possible. The Stars don't matter(unless the taxman is in 2nd Place in terms of Stars).

The Easy CPU is a grinder's paradise.

Sounds like an essay about CPUs.

They're easy on Easy

Exactly how easy CPUs can get.

Easy as in the Lvl. 1 CPUs in SSBU

Actually, SSB64, SSBM, SSBB, SSB4, and SSBU.

Each Smash character has different strengths, no matter how powerful they are.

Uh, ALL characters are dogshit if the CPU is Lvl. 1 because Lvl. 1 CPUs have the intelligence of a newborn.

That's literally how easy you can beat them.

Case in point, Easy CPUs in SMPJ are the same as Lvl. 1 CPUs in any SSB game

"Piracy is no Party."

*coughs in easy cpu getting 921640e+18 in domination*

I won against Easy CPU with no handis. Sounds like a skill issue if you can't beat them. Riddle me this. Have you played Mario Party at generation 10 or older(not SMP,MPS,SMPJ)?