Reviewing every Zelda game number 1: The Legend of Zelda (1986)

This game blows. You need a guide to understand what is even going on, the story is non-existent, and the combat is about what you'd expect from an NES title. You can get dungeons in any order technically, and the game even encourages you to do so, but there isn't an actual reasoning to do it out of order given how the dungeons scale in difficulty. The soundtrack is like... fine. A big part of the game is that you don't get items in dungeons, but instead in some random shops. One time I was in a dungeon, and there were two locked doors and I only had one key, so I chose one and it was just some old guy saying something. You have to go out the dungeon and buy a key to go forward like what???

If not for the monumental impact this game had it would be like a 3/10, but because it led to peak eventually it gets a 6/10. Play Tunic instead.

Reviewing every Zelda game number 2: Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

This is the weirdest game of the series easily. You explore the overworld normally, but once you go somewhere of interest, it's a side scroller. The game is extremely hard, when you get a game over you start from the beginning, and the story is REALLY confusing

Many people hate this game, but if I'm being honest, there's a lot of cool stuff in it. The towns are all named after the 7 sages, which is retroactively a really cool lore detail. The combat is intense and benefits greatly from the sidescrolling. But the bad parts are really bad. It's clear this game was rushed out to capitalize the immense success of Zelda 1, it still suffers from the NES manual issue, and Death Mountain made me consider the noose.

Also I never beat the game without save states shhhhhhh

5.5/10

Reviewing every Zelda game number 3: Zelda: A Link to the Past

Peak.

God this game is good. It was made in 1991 and still holds up today. It defined what the series was for the next 26 years, the combat is on point, the story is amazing and retroactively enhanced by OoT, the dungeons are creative labyrinths, the soundtrack f**king slaps too.

The dark world is such an amazing mechanic, finding out a third of the way through you've been exploring only half of the map was insane. The bosses are perfection, too. Nobody plays Zelda games for the bosses, duh. But ALTTP delivers peak right to your doorstep in that department anyway. This is also the first game with an actual incentive to explore. There are side missions, towns, mini games all over. Even with the map being mostly at your disposal from the get-go, you still uncover more and more as you journey along with new items.

9.1/10 this game massively inspired both its own franchise and video games as a whole, go play it.

Reviewing every Zelda game number 4: Link’s Awakening

This game is kinda overrated

Don’t get me wrong, it was the first truly linear Zelda which is awesome, the most linear entries feel like clever puzzle boxes to piece together. That being said, the more open games are better in general. This game is like… the game you think of when you think of Zelda. Not because it’s the best one, but because of how average it is. It has no unique gimmick or spice up to the progression loop.

The game is mostly remembered for its plot. Link wakes up on a whimsical island but it turns out it’s a whale fever dream and you have to wake up and kill everyone you know in this island. People call this dark but like… none of the people in this island were real anyway except very arguably Marin.

The dungeons are the most perfectly acceptable mediocre “mazes” that are more linear than a straight line. Exploring the overworld feels nice though, especially with the BANGER that is its field theme.

The game got a remake on the Switch and… yeah it’s pretty f**king good. Except for the fact that THEY CHANGED THE OVERWORLD THEME TO BE A GENERIC ORCHESTRA THING BRIG. ME BACK THAT AWESOME COMPRESSED SOUNDTRACK OF PEAK

5.3/10 on GB, 6/10 on Switch

Reviewing every Zelda game number 5: Zelda: Ocarina of Time

Th is game is number 1 on Metacritic for best game of all time

Yeah it’s pretty good I guess

This is one of the most influential games of all time. It’s like the Red Dead Redemption 2 of gen 5. You might not realize it, but every game following it has at least one gene shared with this game. Day/night cycle? Ocarina of Time. Targeting? Ocarina of Time. Uhh… time travel? Probably a bit of that too.

This game is also boosted by having an amazing plot too. Basically Link is like, a fairy who takes a nap for 7 years and the bad guys win so he has to work with some ninja… it’s a lot better than I’m making it sound

Unlike previous games, it wasn’t just “go forward and you’ll find the next dungeon” it was extremely layered, with the map being much less linear, you now rely on hints and have to immerse yourself in this world to find out what the f**k you’re gonna do.

Uhh the Forest Temple kinda sucks ass I’m sorry it just isn’t that good

The rest of the temples are bangers though

It also got a remake on the 3ds with no real substantial changes besides graphics

Yeah this is a uhh

9.6/10 on N64, 9.65 on 3DS

Reviewing every Zelda game part 6: Zelda: Majora’s Mask (2000)

In three days!!!!!!!!!

Nah but seriously this game is GOATed

It’s a sequel to Ocarina of Time, and uses similar assets. But it’s way different. Now the game is about 3 days where each hour has some unique events somewhere out there, and after the 3 days are up, the Moon crashes to Earth. You’re not expected to stop it in 3 days, instead you must travel in time back to day 1. This game has amazing dungeons and a main quest to stop the Moon from kablooeying, but it really shines in the side quests.

The side quests are the main point of the game. Because of how the three days work, each character has their own unique schedule and problems you can solve. Some side quests even intersect, for example, on the second night an old lady gets robbed, and depending on what quest you’re doing, you should either stop the thief or just chill out and let her get robbed.

There are some downsides to the three days though. In some side quests you have to redo dungeons you previously did to unlock them, like the Deku Butler one.

Just like Ocarina of Time this got a remake on the 3DS and… oh boy.

Unlike the OoT remake, which really didn’t change much, this remake changes a lot. Some of it is good, I like being able to travel forward a controllable distance, instead of a set 12 hours. I like fishing. But other stuff just sucks ASS. The swimming with the Zora mask is changed to be so, so much worse. The surrealist nature of finding an empty bottle in a royal treasure took to the grave is changed to be a generic heart piece.

9.1/10 on N64, 8.9/10 on 3DS

where twilight princess?

Okay here’s my one word review of it

Ass

I should continue this