Smart goku black

There's this girl that used to go to my school that left last year but I had a major crush on her and shit but like I can't get in touch with her anymore because I don't have a phone and she was like a Hello Kitty girl and a DreamSMP fan and had a pansexual pride flag pin on her bag so idk if my dad would be like "erm shes mentally unstable i dont want you hanging out with her what if she stabs you🤓🤓" so i just decided to not tell him about her or anything so I now have no way to communicate with her; Yet somehow despite the fact that it's been almost two years since I last saw her I still remember her face and voice and appearance and full name flawlessly as if we just talked yesterday and I literally cannot stop thinking about her sometimes I think about her so much it hurts and I miss her so much even though we were never friends and she probably doesn't even remember me for all I know she could be dead or in a completely different country right now I hate my past self for being so much of a dumbass that I didn't even say goodbye to her on the last day of school before break which would also be the last day I ever saw her like I feel like I should have at least said 'bye have a nice break' or something I don't know these feelings are confusing and I don't know how to deal with them or make them go away