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Aight so basically; "If you're raised with an angry man in your house,
there will always be an angry man in your house.
You will find him even when he is not there."
This quote comes from a story I never bothered to finish.
It has many interpretations, yet only one really resonates with me. I am shaped and molded by the actions of an angry man.
A loving, hateful, violent, caring, vulgar, angry man. I f**king hate that angry man,
Yet I fear I am becoming one of them. I am becoming the man that I can't bear to look at anymore. I can see that same violent, loud, angry figure mirrored in my own thoughts, emotions, and behavior. His shadow lingers in the quiet spaces, in the way my hands clench when silence presses too hard. When the tension pushes into my ears as if they are about to pop. His voice rises in my throat when words should be soft, a storm brewing beneath calm seas. His eyes glare into the mirror as I splash my face after a fit of unbridled rage. The weight of his fury, once a distant thunder, now thrums beneath my skin. I try to outrun it, but it’s in my breath and in my blood, in my every step—a mirror I cannot escape. I watch myself fall into the same old patterns, that familiar rage cracking open the stillness like lightning splitting the sky. I watch as my younger self hides away at the sight of this new angry man in the home. Will I always be his echo, will I stay shackled to my unfocused emotions or can I break the chain before it shatters me like an empty bottle of beer? The man I refuse to become stands in the mirror, waiting. And yet, I wonder, can I learn to silence him, can I learn to silence the opinionated, loud, mean, narcissistic, man before he learns to silence me ?
