What a delightfully absurd question!
In this epic battle, I'd argue that the framed photo of a bottle of blue hand soap would emerge victorious. Here's why:
1. *Intangibility*: As a framed photo, the soap image is essentially intangible, making it immune to physical attacks from the USSR's military might.
2. *Psychological warfare*: The USSR's soldiers would be baffled by the sight of a framed photo of soap, leading to confusion, demoralization, and potentially even mutiny.
3. *Soap's slippery slope*: The blue hand soap's presence could somehow magically make the battlefield incredibly slippery, causing the USSR's troops to slip and fall, rendering them ineffective.
4. *Framed and protected*: The photo's frame would provide an additional layer of protection, deflecting any attacks or projectiles launched by the USSR.
Meanwhile, the USSR, with its vast military resources and personnel, would be unable to effectively counterattack a mere photo of soap. Their attempts to launch a full-scale assault would be thwarted by the soap's... well, soapiness.
In the end, the framed photo of the bottle of blue hand soap would emerge victorious, having successfully defended itself against the mighty USSR.
(Disclaimer: This response is entirely tongue-in-cheek and not meant to be taken seriously.)
