I fear no man. but that thing... It scares me.

Huh, it seems that you have met a-a horrible demise, my friend. But, uh, y’know, these things happen, an-and life, life goes on. Not for you, obviously, uh, you’re dead, but uh it reminds me of a time I was-I was havin’ a conversation with my friend Orville. We were–uh, where were we? We were by the–wh-the-the river, we were sitting by the river and watching the fish leap over the falls and uh, I–I said to Orville, ‘Y’know sometimes I feel like a fish leaping over and over again. Always trying to get somewhere. Oh, I don’t know where only to find myself in the jaws of a beast.’ He ‘course looked at me surprised, y’know? ‘Have you been in the jaws of a beast, friend?’ To which I said, ‘no, of course not, Orville.’ I said, ‘No, no, no I-I simply meant that life can seem like a relentless endeavor. Overcome meaningless obstacles only to meet an equally meaningless fate, regardless of your efforts, regardless of the obstacles you’ve passed.’ And, uh, Orville, he stood and proceeded to drape me with a picnic cloth. To which I-I-I asked him, I said, ‘friend, what–what are you doing?’ He looked at me–very concerned–really. ‘I feel like you’ve gotten too much sun.’ Indeed, huh, indeed I had. He proceeded to pour me a glass of just ice cold lemonade, ooh, you ever mix it with iced tea? Do a like–little half lemonade half–ooh, it’s so–you try it some–well you can’t, because you’re dead, but–anyways. So, you may be asking yourself, how did I go from sitting by the falls drinking lemonade to being wedged in the air duct, not only with Orville, but with an entire assortment of fruity-colored friends? Well, there’s uh, there’s really no good answer to that, but perhaps I met a demise of my own at some point and this is my afterlife or my dream–whatever it might mean I honestly don’t know. Or, maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all. Maybe it doesn’t mean anything at all.

Ah, it seems that you have met your end. Ah, what a pity. You know I, I don’t feel too bad about it though, after all if it weren’t me, it would’ve just been one of the others I guess… I’m honestly just glad to be out of those air ducts. You know it’s… it’s not easy for a hippopotamus to fit up there… and… not easy to get down either. I’m not as young as I used to be as you can see, I used to be able to do all sorts of things, you’re young, you’re vibrant, you have that sort of pep in your step. Ah, it reminds me of a conversation I was having with one of my good friends Orville. We were having a nice picnic one day. I believe it was summer? Oh, perhaps it was… was it the fall? Yes, yes, it was the fall because the leaves had turned already. But I said to Orville, I- I says, “Orville, I have a story to tell you.” And Orville looked at me, you know, kind of odd and- and said, “Well what’s it about?” I- I said to him, “Not every story has to be about something Orville. Sometimes a person just wants to talk, why does it have to be a story?” I said to him. He just looked at me and he said, “Well y-y-you said you had a story.” You know, he was quite right, I did in fact. I told him I had a story. I suppose if a person just wants to talk, it’s best to not announce that you’re tellin’ a story. Tellin’ a story does come with its own pressures and expectations I- I suppose. After all, if you’re just talking to a friend then, there’s no more expectations then if you were talking into the wind. Words… by themselves are not expected to carry… aren’t expected to stick. But if, you know if you announce that you’re tellin’ a story well then… there better be a point to it all. No one wants to sit and listen to someone ramble on and on and on with absolutely no end in sight. So, you know, it’s- it’s good to be mindful that when you tell someone that you’re about to tell a story, that you have something to say. Tellin’ someone that you’re gonna tell a story is tantamount to asking them to stop what they’re doing, and pay attention. You’re basically saying “hey, hey, hey buddy, stop everything, stop what you’re thinking, I have a solution to everything.” And well, I didn’t really have any story to tell. In- in hindsight I probably just misspoke when I said that I had a story. I think it would’ve just been better to tell Orville that I had something to tell him rather than tell him that I had a story, but you know e- even then it might’ve put too much importance on the whole

Well, it seems that your journey, has ended. Very sorry about that, it was-it always was gonna to end this way of course. If it weren’t by me it…would’ve just been by some other y’know, terrible thing just, you could not imagine how terrible it would be! Just, I get scared thinking about it. Glad it’s not me.

It reminds me of a, of a time I was speaking to my good friend Orville. We were…we were sitting on a park bench watching the pigeons. I was on the left, he was on the..oh wait, was I on the right? Or left? Anyways it doesn’t matter, we were sitting on there watching the pigeons. And uh, I-I said to Orville, “friend, those birds are frozen!”, a-and he kinda looked at me like I’d lost my mind, but I reminded him that it was winter y’know and, often birds will sit in a tree until they freeze, then they, they you know sorta fall to the ground, until the sun warms them up, a-and they can y’know, move around again. So I said to Orville “you might as well save those breadcrumbs until the birds thaw, because they can’t very well enjoy them in the condition they’re in”. To which he asked what I meant and, asking what condition the crumbs should be in before he threw them to the birds, assuming that I meant the birds couldn’t enjoy, the breadcrumbs in the condition that the crumbs were in, when in-fact, I had meant the birds could not enjoy them in the condition that the birds were in, considering that the birds were frozen, you know? So, he took a moment and then threw his last handful onto the ground. I said to him “Orville, why did you throw the breadcrumbs to the birds when I just told ya’ they’re frozen?”. To which he responded “the breadcrumbs are not frozen” – again, misunderstanding my words. I didn’t mean to say that the breadcrumbs were frozen, when I said I told ya they’re frozen, I’d been referring to the birds.

You know, in hindsight what I-what I should’ve said was – and this would make perfect sense – “Why did you throw the breadcrumbs to the birds when the birds are frozen”? He misunderstood upon my correction stating that he didn’t know what else to do with the breadcrumbs and, that perhaps you know, when the birds thawed they’d still be able to eat the crumbs. So I…I-I said to Orville, I said – and this is what I said to him – I said “Orville, the birds may be dead”.