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I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME MY BUDDY KEITH SNUCK INTO A WEDDING? HE THOUGHT HE WAS BEING SMART GETTING ALL DRESSED UP AND LIKE...BUT IT SEEMS THE PREACHER WASN'T THERE AND THEY THOUGHT HE WAS THE PREACHER AND, WELL, HE MARRIED THEM THE BEST HE COULD. I THINK THAT COUNTS FOR THEM BEING MARRIED BUT, I DON'T KNOW, MAYBE NOT. I THINK THEY NAMED ONE OF THEIR KIDS AFTER EM THIS ONE TIME ME AND MY BUDDY KEITH TRIED TO MAKE SUSHI, THIRD DEGREE BURNS ALL OVER HIS BODY. OHHH MAN, THIS OTHER TIME ME AND MY BUDDY KEITH FOUGHT ALL THE WAY UP THIS BURNING BUILDING WITH ZOMBIES IN IT N SHIT... MAN I WISH MY BUDDY KEITH WERE HERE TO SEE THIS MY BUDDY KEITH TRIED CAMPING OUT ON TOP OF A BUILDING ONCE. HE WAS SHOOTING CROWS, BUT THE POLICE WERE TOO BUSY TEAR GASSING HIM TO ASK WHAT HE WAS DOING UP THERE. HE SCREAMED FOR AN ENTIRE YEAR EVERY SINGLE TIME HE OPENED HIS EYES! OH, MAN. AT FIRST IT WAS FUNNY, THEN IT JUST GOT SAD, BUT THEN IT GOT FUNNY AGAIN! I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME ME AND KEITH SNUCK UP PAINTBALL GUNS ON A ROLLER COASTER? I NEVER HEARD OF ANYBODY ELSE DOING IT, SO I THOUGHT WE MIGHT HAVE INVENTED A SPORT. SO KEITH CALLED THE PATENT OFFICE BUT THEY WOULDN'T GET IT REGISTERED AS AN "OFFICIAL SPORT" SINCE THEY THOUGHT IT WAS BULLSHIT. I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE TIME KEITH TRIED TO DEEP FRY A TURKEY? THIRD DEGREE BURNS OVER NINETY PERCENT OF HIS BODY. HIS DOCTOR CALLED UP, LIKE, OTHER DOCTORS TO LOOK AT HIM CAUSE THEY'D NEVER SEEN BURNS ON TOP OF EXISTING BURNS...