NUMBER ONE, I WAS WATCHING A WILDLIFE PROGRAMME LAST NIGHT. DID YOU KNOW THAT HIPPOS CAN RUN FASTER THAT A HUMAN ON LAND AND THEY CAN SWIM FASTER THAN A HUMAN IN WATER? THAT'S REALLY FASCINATING, SIR. WHAT CONCLUSIONS CAN WE DRAW FROM THIS? IT MEANS THAT THE BICYCLE RACE IS YOUR ONLY CHANCE OF BEATING A HIPPO IN TRIATHLON! (I SOOO NEED TO GET OFF THIS SHIP).