no romance

[The screen fades in to a shot of desert road, similar to Meet the Sniper. Light flute music plays with a soft drum accompaniment. A slow downwards pan to a crushed Bonk! can is punctured by a brass flourish. Suddenly, a Red Bread truck screeches into view from the right, knocking away the can and fishtails, nearly ripping off its rear bumper. It continues down the left lane.]

[Cut to a right side view of the van. The camera pans from the rear towards the front while a heavy drum beat plays. The logo is pock-marked with bullet holes and the white paint has been scraped off the sides. The camera continues panning and steadies at the van's open air cab, revealing a sleeping Scout and the Heavy hunched over at the wheel.]

[Interior shot of the cab. The windshield has bullet holes on the left and is completely knocked out on the right. The Heavy's bulk is apparent on the left as compared to the Scout's relaxed pose with his feet on the dashboard. Fuzzy dice adorn the rear view mirror. The Heavy continues to drive the van on the right side of the road when the dashboard monitor begins to softly beep.]

[Cut to a side view of the right-hand side of the cab. The Heavy looks disapprovingly at the sleeping Scout. He returns his eyes to the road. The dashboard beeps again and the Heavy hits the Scout without taking his glance off of the road. Shaken, the Scout jerks awake.]

Scout: Gwaa! Bwaa! What?! What? Oh.

[The Scout reaches over and with his right hand, pushes a button on the monitor. It is a video call from Miss Pauling.]

Miss Pauling: Scout, it's Pauling. Tell me you got the briefcase.

Scout: Yeah sure.

Miss Pauling: And nobody saw you?

Scout: Ehhh. [He raises his hands and shrugs his shoulders] Basically nobody.

Miss Pauling: [Her expression darkens] Scout, I'm here right now.

Scout: Well that's a funny story...

[The cab's rear door abruptly opens and the Soldier steps out, and with his right hand, hastily pushes Scout's face into his seat. The Scout throws up his hands, the Heavy is startled and momentarily loses control of the van, and the Soldier takes over the monitor.]

Soldier: [brightly] Hello, Miss Pauling! We killed everybody and took a briefcase!

[He brandishes a BLU briefcase ]

Miss Pauling: Not everybody, Soldier. You left seven witnesses, guys.

[A bloodied hand can be seen in the background reaching for help. Miss Pauling turns and shoots him with a silenced pistol. The hand collapses.]

steve:hey there friend want to say this f**king furry for steppin in my house

[Front shot of the van pulling into the garage. A BLU Demoman's boot can be seen sticking out from underneath of the hood which has a hood ornament reading "SWORD". The Heavy looks harassed and brings the vehicle to a stop. The dead BLU soldier slides off the roof. The Heavy leaves the keys in the ignition and exits the van.]

Soldier: [his hand still covering the Scout's face] Goodbye, Miss Pauling! I'm leaving the van now.

[The Soldier disappears into the rear of the van and the door slides closed behind him. Cut shot to the Scout who looks relieved at the hand being removed from his face. He adjusts his hat and headset with both hands. He looks back at the door.]

Scout: Bye bye. Okay then.

[The background music stops and the van grows quiet. The Scout turns back to the monitor.]

Scout: Hey, hey Miss Pauling! Before you go. Ahh-

Miss Pauling: Uh huh?

[She is dragging a body. He stammers and scratches his face.]

Miss Pauling: [distracted] Scout? What? Say something.

Scout: [regains confidence] You're probably real busy this weekend, right?

Miss Pauling: [finished with dragging body, she stands up and wipes the dirt from her hands] Funny you should mention that. Um. Looks like I will be... burying bodies all weekend. [she grabs a Fire Axe and brings her face closer to the camera] So you don't go to jail.

Scout: [stammering] Oh g-good. So...we're both busy.

[Cut to Miss Pauling on the monitor. She looks at him quizzically in silence. He returns the glance awkwardly. Suddenly a siren can be heard in the background with guards shouting. Miss Pauling reacts and turns hurriedly from the camera.]

Miss Pauling: Oh! Got to go.

steve:ohhhhhhhh k

[She disappears off-camera. Muffled shots can be heard. The monitor buzzes off. Cut back to the Scout with a pained expression on his face. Side view of cab with the Scout leaning back resignedly.]

Scout: Lot of people busy with busyness.

[Heavy can be seen in the background, checking the fridge's contents. The Spy walks slowly, passing front of the camera left to right, cigarette in hand.]

Spy: [smugly] Asking out that dial tone again, I see.

Scout: [sitting up and angrily gesturing] Go to hell, Spy.

[He drops his demeanor and looks dejected. He looks down, then chuckles sadly to himself. He gets out of the van. The Heavy takes a drumstick from the fridge and tosses it over his shoulder.]

[The camera pans slowly with the Scout walking left to right from the van to the table. A medium tempo jazz instrumental starts with flute, piano, and drums. He tosses the keys in the air and deftly catches them. The Soldier attempts to extricate the BLU Demoman's body from the hood of the van. The RED Demoman takes a quick spin on the Teleporter and disappears. The Heavy manages to find a Sandvich and leans contently on the fridge door and takes a bite.]

*see

*kills them both* double points

*cod zombies reference* steve:*dies

*calmly watches*

* the furry dies* steve:well that was easy

..how did it get in there anyways?

steve:broke down my door thats ok i can fix it i dont have a hammer but ill use its head

&she just gave you a hammer* don’t ask where I got it

steve:ohhhh k

*she walked out*

It depends. What did they do?

*enter his home* steve:well hello there
furry:help me

Prisoner:
"What the hell did I just walk into?"

Dead cells reference?????????????????????????

Real.

steve:this furry f**ked my dog blue
furry:i did but i was bored and i thought it was a plush

(Oh THOSE types of furries. Should've said so.)

Prisoner: "Unacceptable furry behavior right there. If I wasn't a corpse walking and was alive I'd rather die from Malaise than to communicate with a disgusting zoophile."

steve:wanna join me
furry:no no no no wait wait wait WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT

*Prisoner's left hand starts to glow blue and takes out his Vorpan* "Better explain yourself or I'll make sure of it that you don't respawn from this world."

furry:i ummm i was bored so i asked him but he said no and i did it without him looking

Prisoner: "Disgusting, very putridly disgusting. I had a friend who was a furry once. He was a good guy, he made me toast. But you on the other hand, you're one furry I must not spare."

furry:wait wait stop
steve:its to late now *pulles out the rpg*

steve:i love america

Prisoner: *lowers Steve's RPG* "No, allow me. I've killed countless of creatures.. zombies, knights, kings, you name it. Was I proud of it? No, but it was for a worthy cause. But for this reason alone I could kill someone and not feel any remorse for others." "Prisoner's left hand starts to glow more*

Okay there blud, u have 10 seconds to explain urself or I will water myself in ur tears :)

steve:this furry f**ked my dog blue

Naw blud must be done

steve:you mean i can finally kill this thing

No...all lives deserve mercy *rainbows and birds whistling*

steve:but not this one he or she called you an idiot

real

And u Steve...sorry but...
B-b-b-but...

what

I have to kill ur dog Steve

he is already dead

memechat? imgflip.com/memechat?invite=xedjf0n6msEY64iUymeF4vYSA1-XuoRN

My memechat is broken :(

how?????????????

Idk

anyways

Yeah anyways

Echo: What you got over there? *she blinks blankly at the furry*