plus ive got a 4 year old cousin who was born literally 3 months before the world shut down, hes a hell of a runner

because i dont wanna wake up with a virus in my head and now im autistic

if I don't pay my subscription the secret shotgun shell in my head will go off

bonus

dystopian reality

there are lots and lots more reasons why microchipping humans is a bad idea

elaborate

tracking people like that has it's ups and downs(mostly downs)
also humans deserve autonomy and microchipping is literally the opposite

even then it could be an optional thing
if your parents get you chipped you can remove it when you reach 18

that would be so bad
imagine an already abusive parent who can literally microchip their kid now
or just helicopter parents in general would be so much worse
I bet there'd just be more suicides
or maybe even accidental suicides in an attempt to remove the chip

parents can already track the location of their kids' phones anyway

Ads and viruses

microchipping a human as in the same way we microchip animals
i doubt my cat is listening to geico ads

People would be targeted for viruses more than animals anyway. I don’t think anybody is hacking a dog to find the location of the bacon