All aboard!

where (this is a joke)

If this doesn't lead to a secret underground swimming pool (or at least Tartarus) I'ma be hella disappointed

I think it leads to your doom

That's what Tartarus is In Greek mythology, Tartarus is a deep abyss and prison in the underworld where the wicked were punished and the Titans were imprisoned

Then why would you be disappointed if it didn't lead there?