being retarded rn

I saw exactly 1.09441 square inches of a girls shoulder today, I immediately fell to my knees, as the rush of dopamine signaling my impending, earth shattering orgasm started making me moan loud enough to deafen EVERYONE in the immediate vicinity.

What followed was a torrential downpour of every single sperm cell I ever had, or ever will produce shot out SO HARD that my dick was ripped apart by my Übernut, accelerating to 5% of the speed of light by the time it left my urethra.

It vaporized the girl as it punched right through her, it barely slowed before cutting through a structural support beam in the school as if it were a nuclear powered angle grinder. the sheer weight of this historical nut, combined with the total destruction of everything in its path caused the school to collapse, and every female in the state of illinois became pregnant with my children.

bro activated his ultimate move

Own a musket for home defense, since that's what the founding fathers intended.

*Four ruffians break into my house.
*"What the devil?" as I grab my powdered wig and Kentucky rifle.
*Blow a golf ball sized hole through the first man, he's dead on the spot.
*Draw my pistol on the second man, misses him entirely because it's smoothbore and nails the neighbor's dog.
*I have to resort to the cannon mounted at the top of the stairs loaded with grape shot.
*"Tally ho lads" the grape shot shreds two men in the blast, the sound and extra shrapnel set off car alarms.
*Fix bayonet and charge the last terrified rapscallion.
*Bleeds out waiting on the police to arrive since triangular bayonet wounds are impossible to stitch up.

Just as the founding fathers intended.

Message to all Half Life Fans- Gordon Freeman Needs YOUR help to secure the Borealis from the Combine army. All Gordon Freeman needs is a few semi 457s and shotguns. To help out, send me the large numbers on the front, the 3 numbers and the expiration date on the back of your dad's magical piece of,plastic called a Credit Card.

In a realm far beyond the reaches of our known universe, there existed a peculiar planet known as Skibidi. The inhabitants of this planet were a curious species, resembling humans in appearance but possessing vastly superior technological prowess. One of the most remarkable creations on Skibidi was the legendary Skibidi Toilet, a device unlike any other in the cosmos.

The Skibidi Toilet was not just a mundane sanitation tool but a marvel of engineering and innovation. It had the power to cleanse a being's body and purify their soul, granting them profound insights into the mysteries of existence. Many sought out the Skibidi Toilet, not just for its practical functions but also for the spiritual enlightenment it offered.

One fateful day, a young Skibidian named Zara stumbled upon an ancient text that spoke of the Skibidi Toilet's true purpose. Intrigued by the prospect of unlocking the secrets of the universe, Zara embarked on a quest to find the elusive device. Guided by cryptic clues and enigmatic visions, she journeyed across the vast landscapes of Skibidi, facing untold dangers and unexpected allies along the way.

As Zara delved deeper into her quest, she uncovered a dark secret that threatened to unravel the very fabric of reality. The Skibidi Toilet, it seemed, was more than just a conduit for enlightenment—it was a tool of immense power that could reshape the course of history itself. Forces beyond her comprehension sought to control the Skibidi Toilet for their own nefarious purposes, and Zara realized that she alone held the key to preventing catastrophe.

With determination and ingenuity, Zara braved the treacherous depths of Skibidi's hidden catacombs to confront the evil forces that sought to harness the power of the Skibidi Toilet. Along the way, she encountered beings of incomprehensible beauty and terrifying visages, each holding a piece of the puzzle leading her to her ultimate goal.

Finally, after a grueling journey filled with trials and tribulations, Zara reached the Chamber of the Skibidi Toilet. There, she faced the ancient guardian of the device, a being of immense wisdom and power who tested her resolve and her readiness to wield the Toilet's power responsibly.

In a climactic showdown, Zara proved herself worthy, unlocking the true potential of the Skibidi Toilet and unleashing a wave of metaphysical energy that rippled across the cosmos. As the fabric of reality shimmered and shifted, Zara beheld the true nature