the only reason i wasn’t born as a female was probably because my boobs would be too big

the only reason i wasn’t born as a trash can is probably bc i would smell beautiful

kashiko: i just ended a 5 year relationship
blooper: oh!! are you ok?
kashiko: i’m fine it wasn’t my relationship
*bowser and peach can be heard fighting next door*
blooper: oh wow, you almost made me think you unfriended sephiroth. anyway, you didn’t end the relationship, you just helped peach realize she was in an abusive relationship. she was better off without him anyway

reall