Milk is slowly becoming Saul Goodman

Degen: "HELLO"
Milk: "dude we're just here
you literally just left to go home"
Degen: "A HOMELESS MAN GAVE ME A FUNNY LOOK"
Milk: "uggghhhhh"

Better Call Milk

"dude you're lucky that homeless guy wasn't registered into the legal system--"
*Degen kicks parked car into road, causing crash*
"what. the f**k."
"IT WAS UGLY"

"30 years of living just for me to have to represent you in court."

like that meme of heavy touching scout
"hundreds of years of technological innovation to make an evil gay femboy furry drunkard robot that kills people and breaks things"
"BUT I'M NOT GAY--"
"shut your mouth. I don't even know how you're a drunkard. you can't even DRINK."

Milk constantly wants peace and quiet but he can't get either 😭

"oh, bag face, I haven't seen you here before"
"DEGEN HAS BEEN LIVING IN MY HOUSE AND I CAN'T GET HIM TO LEAVE"
"sorry man, conflicting interests"
"AUUUGGGHHHHHH"

"Evicting murderous femboy robots comes in my premium package."

"ykw screw it I hate him too"
"you're a godsend"

"Anyways that's gonna be like 350 bucks"

"I don't care man I make that money like 3 times a week"

Another knock.

*he extends an eye to the peephole*

Degen is there, covered in oil and blood, with a gunshot wound directly in his face. He's holding a pink box, and his visor is like 'T_T'

*he opens the door, and lets out an awful, inhuman howl*
"WHAAAAATT"

His visor glitched constantly, as he handed him the pink box.

"istfg if this is a bomb"
*he winces as he opens it*

A cake. Pink frosting, a little design of a pony on it. In big, glittery pink letters, it says 'I'm sorry'.

"is there glass or sh*t or garbage in this or something."

"ST-STR...STRA-A-AWBERRY."

"are you stuttering because you're sad or because you're damaged."

"BE-BECAUSE TH-THE-ERE IS A BULLET-ET IN MY C-CPU."

"ok
I appreciate the sentiment
and I'm glad you feel remorse
but I HATE you.
You harassed me
scared my wife
constantly endangered my health, safety, property
worst f**king experience of my f**king life."

"I QU-QUITE LITERAL-AL-ALY WENT THRO-OUGH HELL T-TO GE-GET YOU THIS."

"You know who else went through the worst experience of his life?"

"I PROM-PROMISE TO B-BE A BETTER RO-OO-OOMATE."

"WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY SAY TO CONVINCE ME OF THAT THAT YOU HAVEN'T SAID MORE TIMES THAN THERE ARE GRAINS OF SAND ON THE EARTH?"

"GETT-TING SHOT IN-N THE FACE MA-MAKES YOU-U THIN-NK."

"WHAT COULD YOU POSSIBLY SAY TO REDEEM YOURSELF???"

"I HA-HAVE CHANGED."

"Heard it."

"MY CP-PU IS DAMAG-AGED....I QUI-QUITE L-LITERALLY THINK DIF-IFFERENT."

"it took a computer brain hemorrhage to make you a better person.
wow."

"D-DO YOU NOT KNOW-OW HOW ROBOTS WORK."

"you're a very advanced robot with emotion, I expected to at least be able to change you a LITTLE."

"I CANNOT-OT FEEL MOS-MOST EMOTIONS. I PRE-PRETEND TO FEEL THAT WAY."

"...
..do you at least feel regret?"

"I DO N-NOW."

"...fine.
don't step in yet, I don't want you dripping blood and oil everywhere. Are you still watertight?"

"I HA-HAVE A MASSIVE GUN-UNSHOT IN M-MY FACE."

"alright, guess not.
what am I even supposed to do??
I'm not an engineer. I'm pretty sure like 95% of the broken parts have to be factory ordered. I don't know what to do."

"WIP-IPES."

"Yeah. Let's just start with that. go over to the fence gate, I'll let you into the backyard."

He walked over.

*Mr goes into his house to reach the other side of the fence*

He walked through, into the backyard.

*he shuts the fence door*
"I'm going to go grab a rag."

He waited.

*he returns with a rag, towel, and computer cleaner*

"..alright."

Degen's visor showed a ;^;

"I WOULD CRY, IF I COULD."

"well. you've really got nobody else to blame but yourself. I don't care about hurting your feelings or humoring you or mincing words. I honestly don't give a sh*t about how you feel anymore. I only want you out of my life."

"I AM GOING TO GO KILL PEOPLE, AND POSSIBLY MYSELF IN THE PROCESS, GOODBYE." He grabbed his things and left.

(sarcastically) "Safe travels.
I will kill you on sight if I ever see you again."

*later on the news* 'A fight has broken out at the Nexcon security office which resulted in the destruction of a faulty Nexcon security bot.'

he'd normally care about something like this
but with all the pain he was caused
he's honestly glad nobody else has to go through that

*Mr gets a good snicker out of this*

*about a day later* 'Breaking news, the body of a faulty Nexcon security bot scheduled for scrapping was reported missing after employees went to dissassemble the body, only to find it had disappeared.'

"AUAUUUUAUUUUGGGHHSJDNFNDKENRGHHHHBGGHHHF**K"

Hours later, there was a knock on the door.

*his eyes are bloodshot. his hands are shaking. His back is arched. his mouth is foaming*

"PLEASE

I WILL BE HOMELESS"

"if you can't handle doing the bare minimum that a roommate has to do, you are not ready for a house.
I have been patient and lenient for too long. My wife has had to stay with her parents."

Wait who is his wife /genq

I think we had a rough conversation over this
Illy is his wife (IN THE MILKVERSE ONLY, NOT ROTISSEVERSE (unless you wish otherwise))

oh

yeah.

gonna pretend this didn't happen

"FINE

I WILL DO IT"

"You will do?"

"BE A GOOD ROOMATE :("

"I. WANT. YOU. OUT."

"I PROMISE TO SHOWER DAILY AND NOT LEAVE MY CLOTHES EVERYWHERE"

"you've said that tens of times over. Out."

"BUT YOU'RE MY FRIEND"

"SOME FRIEND YOU ARE. OH, I TRIED TO BE YOUR FRIEND. I TRIED TO BE NICE. BUT YOU JUST HAD TO SPURN EVERY CHANCE, EVERY SPARE, EVERY CRUMB OF MERCY AND PATIENCE AND FORGIVENESS I HAD FOR YOU. YOU JUST HAD TO THROW IT ALL AWAY. NOW GET OUT OF MY HOUSE THAT I WAS ENOUGH OF A FOOL TO LET YOU STAY IN."

"I mean, if you have any...illegal legal troubles...I could help you in the future."

"I'm a law abiding person
I want to keep things that way"

"Trust me, one day, things are gonna be headed that way...say you get cancer, and need to cook meth in order to pay for your treatment....actually, nevermind, that's dumb."

"milk do you know what a TV is."

"Course I do."

"you would happen to have heard of this idea anywhere else"

"Yes, I know, outlandish ideas, but hey, you never know if something's gonna go wrong...and plus, because you're a friend, I could probably lower my rates, just for you."

"thanks pal
now c'mon
we got a robot to boot"

Degen giving them the puppy eyes

no more mr nice guy: