Da beeg rat

(Use one we haven’t used yet)

Reptile: Boy! Sure is nice being a little lizard dude!

Shai: is that a lizard dude?

Reptile: Woah! Is that a… okay what the actual f**k is that?

Shai: -_-

Dude, that's f**ked up

Reptile: I’m sorry, but I can’t tell if you’re a man or woman! And it’d be very rude to ask…

Shai: Male....

Reptile: Yeah… listen I kinda got a date in like an hour and I gots to get ready… and you’re also canonically my roommate now because plot needs points…

Shai: wait wat

Reptile: We’re in an apartment! *Seinfeld opening theme plays as a laugh track goes off*

Shai: wha- Huh!?

*suddenly, Scorpion kicks down their door*

SHAI GETS NUT CHECKED SO HARD HE FALLS OVER

Shai: A-

Scorpio : See? Little prick… gets it from his mom…

Shai: 💀

Reptile: Yeah…. I’m gonna get those… decorations… *LAUGH*

Shai: why.....

Reptile is already gone

Shai: great...

Scorpion: So… have fun…

Shai: WHO ARE YOU

Scorpion: Relax. I just need to use your shower. Mines out of hot water. *LAUGH*
Reptile: Again?! That’s the third time this week!
Scorpion: Sorry… he’s carrying a bath towel
Reptile: F-fine! Just don’t use my rubber ducky! *LAUGH*
Scorpion: Don’t worry! *he pulls out a rubber ducky with a little Scorpion mask* I always bring my own to my neighbors shower! *LAUGH ABD CLAPS*

Shai: wha- what's going on...

Reptile: So listen… women make me nervous… so I need you to wingman me, but subtlety…

Shai: alright....

Reptile: So you need to get a job at the restraunt

Shai: how do I do that?

Comedic cut to Shia in a waiters uniform reading the specials to an old couple

Shai: *mind: how did this even happen?*

Reptile is waiting outside in a nice dress shirt

Shai huh...

Scorpion walks in

*CHEEEEER*

Shai: where did that come from...

Scorpion: Sup, Shai! Table for one! *he sits at a table and kicks his feet up

Shai: okay.. wait a minute how do you know my name I didn't even say it

Scorpion: Uh dude… we’ve been apartment neighbors for like a year? *LAUGH*

Shai: right...

Reptile comes in nervous

“She’s late! We said 8… and it’s 8:01!”

*LAUGH*

Shai: right .....

*A very pretty voice* Reptile?

*it is a drop dead gorgeous woman with long black hair and rather large… 😳… yeah. She has a beautiful smile*

Scorpion: W-woah… *LAUGH*

Shai: damn how'd you pull someone like that?

Reptile: Mileena! You look beautiful!

*she smiles, revealing a very sharp set of teeth* “Thanks!” * LAUGH*

Scorpion whiskers to Shai: “that’s how…” * LAUGH*

Shai: I see...

*LAUGH*

Reptile and Mileena sit at their table Shai is waiting

Shai: what would you two like to order tonight?

Reptile is too infatuated to respond

Shai: How about you ma'am?

Mileena: Oh! Uhm… Do you want any appetizers, Reptile?
Reptile: Hmm… yeah~… *LAUGH*

Shai: What would that be then?

Reptile: I don’t know~ *LAUGH*

Shai: hmm, well I'll give you two some time to think

Mileena looks a little embarrassed

Shai: *walks off*

*A little later in the date, they are talking and laughing over dinner

Shai: I see they're doing well

Scorpion: Yeah… hey… I’m a little short in cash so… *hands him his dinner bill* Thanks bro!

Shai: *looks at it*

*it’s for $2099

Shai: Wha-!? HUH??

*LAUGH*

Reptile: Ya know… most people don’t want to to me because… *gestures to his body* *LAUGH*

Shai: SCORPION!!! I CAN'T PAY FOR THIS

Scorpion is busy hitting on hot women over at the little bar

Shai: *siggghh*

They are finished with dinner

Shai: Scorpion!!! You owe me one!

Scorpion: Yeah yeah!

Shai: Jeez...

Reptile is blushing

Shai: so how'd ya date go

Mileena: Oh! I didn’t know were that obvious!

Shai: Yeah....

Reptile face palms

Shai: well I gotta go find a way to pay for this

Reptile: pay for what?

Shai: *shows scorpions bill*

Reptile: That’s it? Writes a check for $2099 and hands it to Shai

Shai: oh thanks

Reptile: Being Elon Musks dad sure had its perks!

Shai: right

Mileena: Hey Repy, thanks for the date… wanna head to my place for… some wine? *OOOOOOOOHHHHH*

Shai: well I'd love to stay for chit chat but I gotta get home

Reptile is thunderstruck by her offer *night chat talk to you tomorrow

{Nighty night}

Shai: see ya then

ReI’m tile: yeah….

Shai: *walks out*

*Cut to later that next morning at their apartment*

Shai: *asleep*

Reptile stumbles into the door, looking hung over

Shai: oh jeez what happened to you!?

Reptile: Sex. *SEINFELD THEME AND A NEW EPISODE BEGINS*

*Weird refresher thing plays*

Shai: jeez what happened to you!?

*SEX*

Shai: you already did the deed?

Reptile: Y-yeah… he falls on the couch *LAUGH*

Shai: damn

Scorpion walks in dressed in a dripped out suit

Shai: what the

Scorpion: Sup my brothers in Christ? *LAUGH*

Shai: what the....

Scorpion: Listen my son has a birthday coming up… as in today… and I need to throw the party here.

Shai: why here!?

Scorpio : Man I dont t funking know! I just read the script! *LAUGH*

Reptile gets up.

“Sigh.., fine…”

Shai: alright fine

Scorpion: Thanks! I’ll go get the cake… Reptile you go get some decorations… and Shai… watch my kid.

Shai: no problem, in great with kids

*I'm*

Scorpion laughs his ass off.

“Oh! Not my kid… Takeda!”

A little Asian kid with a bandanna around his neck walks in

Shai: hey there

Takes a smiles and runs up to Shai and hugs him at the legs *AWWWWW*

Shai: Aww *pats his head*

Shai: *thumbs up*

Scorpion leaves in a ball of fire

Shai: okay kiddo... just me...and you...

Takeda smiles at the camera

Shai: alright...?

Takeda points to his mouth and rubs his tummy

Shai: you hungry?

Shakes his head up and down

*Try 'nods' next time*

Shai: Kay what do you want

*I could’ve… but I want you to have to read this shit 💀*

Takeda ponders this

[he’s also turning 6 btw should’ve mentioned it^]

Shai: ...

Takeda points at a box of rat poison

Shai: wha-

Takeda does the “ mmm 😋 “ face

Shai: I don't think you can have that

Takeda is pissed and super jumps onto the fridge and grabs the box

Shai: Why is it in the fridge!?

*Cut to Reptile and Shay from an eraser date*

Reptile: Now… we may have mice in the fridge… so bam! Refrigerated poison!

Shai: Huh...that sounds stupid but it's smart

*cut back to the present*

Shai: that's why it's in there

The child consumes it all

Shai: NOOOO

Child: Yum!

Shai: WHYYYYY

Child is fine and starts playing with Reptiles action figure collections he proudly displays

Shai: Hey I don't think he wants you touching those

He starts breaking them

Shai: *picks him up* yeah...no you can't be doing that

The child bits his thumb causing him to drop him

Shai: OW

He runs into Shais room

Shai: *uses his magic to reverse scorpions things and goes after the child*

*Reptiles 🤓🤓🤓*

He starts tearing off the stuff he has on his was

Shai: picks him up again, not letting him bite him again*

He starts chanting in Latin

Shai: dude wtf

*he starts glowing*

Shai: what!?

*BOOOOOM* He explodes in a beam of light, sending Shau flying back

*walls*

Shai: demon child...

He starts griddy

Shai: bro....

Eventually, he falls asleep after 7 hours of destruction

Shai: Bleh

Scorpion walks in soaked in blood

Shai: You're back...

Scorpion: In a deep voice

“Yes… I got the cake…”

Shai: your child is crazy

Scorpion suddenly brightens up to his goofy self

“Yeah! He’s a bit of a goof ball!

Shai: my nuts....

Scorpion laughs

“Yeah… he’s done that to me too!

Shai: *ded*

Takes a wakes up

“Dad!” He hugs him

Shai: owwwww

Scorpion: Hey kiddo! Where’s Reptile?

Shai: reptile....

Scorpion: Teah! Where is he?

Shai: can't... member

Reptile I’m back from getting decorations! Mileenas here to help too! *she’s in a tight sweater and leggings*

“Hey guys!”

Shai: eiuughhh

Reptile: what’s his issue?

Shai: my everything hurts

Mileena kneels next to him and rubs his head

“Sucks to suck my n***a*

Shai: Shut it...if you spent a day with him you'd be like this too

Shai: yeah

Mileena : Accepted… 24 hours startling tomorrow morning…

Shai: ugh. *Gets up*

Reptile pats him on the back

Shai: blech

*PARTY TIME*

Bunch of five year olds running around like it’s Epstein Island

Shai: Can't go that bad right?

They have wrecked the place

Shai: great...

Reptile: Thank god my people eat our eggs!

Shai: what now?

Reptile stares at him

“You heard me”

Shai: •____•

Awkward silence

Shai: well uhh-

Takeda runs up

“Daddy… when’s JoJo and the Happy Crew gonna be here?”

*they are a well known children’s band dressed as animals

Shai: I'ma just head to my room

Scorpion puts his hand on his shoulder

“Yes… they are right outside…”

He is staring into Shais soul

Shai: uhhh-

Scorpion *ominously*: Shai,,,, Reptile… let’s go outside and bring them in…

Shai: wha-