(Another vent, feel free to ignore this or wtv if u dont like it); I hate school so much. It's not because I'm lazy it's because of the pain and suffering it f**king causes me. Every day I feel like shit. On school days when I wake up I get a feeling of dread like I want to just sink into the floor and never come back. When I'm in class I get that f**king gut feeling that my life is just a sick cacophony where I'm just being tossed around and pushed by individuals with authority over me into positions where I can do whatever and they're purposely letting me have my fun and making me foolishly and naively think that I have a choice and I can actually be happy and then when I finally get used to being happy I get shoved right back into being in constant pain like my teachers are just sadistic f**ks that get off on tormenting me. On the weekends I can't even enjoy them because I know that I have school tomorrow or in 2 days. The f**king economy is going to shit too so I won't even get a rest year where I just destress and do whatever after graduating highschool, I'll need to get a job almost immediately which is gonna be hell because verbally communicating is torture for me and I often just go nonverbal and I'm planning on getting a retail job. I also hate my bitch of a teacher who got mad at me for getting sick in class, like what do you want me to do? Magically un-sick myself so that you can continue to torment me for another 5 hours? Also I feel like the stress from last school year f**ked my brain up so much that like my ability to learn is sort of hindered-ish? To simplify it and explain it in vidoogame terms, imagine playing level pack 1, and you're like "ah this isnt too bad" and then you play level pack 2 and it's super hard and stressful and it's somehow so stressful and difficult that your brain kind of just shuts off and your skills are kind of hindered and youre now back at when you were still trying to figure out level 1, so while you cant even beat level 2 because its so hard and stressful that it somehow causes your brain to shoot back to being on level 1, you get pushed into level 3. You could see how that's stressful. I'm also one of the "lucky" four kids in my class that are in a math class that's WAY higher than everyone else. I don't know if this is just back to school nerves but it's not even been a full two weeks of school and I already want to kill myself. I'm also pissed that the only reason I am not homeschooled is because my dad was
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