vegetable

When I was ten years old, my goofy ahh Uncle tried to get me to touch his weenie doodle.
My mom caught him and beat him with a pan.
I created an explosive bomb and put it in my sisters lunchbox, and blew her to smithereens.
Hey guys, its Quandale Dingle here.
I have been arrested for multiple crimes, including: Battery on a Police officer
Grand Theft
Declaring war on Italy
and Public Indecency.
I will be escaping prison on, March 28th.
After that, I will take over the world.
Hey, Quandale Dingle here!
I just escaped prison!
I am staying at my friend, Juandale Pringle's house.
As I was running away from cops, I fell and scraped some of my foreskin off.
A guy named Garfield Jenson bent me over in the shower while I was in prison.
My baby momma Shaniqua Enderson told me to play child support so I gave my baby to creepy old guys.
My goofy ahh aunty stabbed my grandpa with Longhorn Steakhouse knives.
My sister caught me playing with my wiggly worm, so I threw a Kim Kardashian buttcheek at her.
I force fed a whole bottle of melatonin to my father, and he forgot to wake up.
My doctor diagnosed me with type seven genital herpes and I got bumps all over my testicles.
My crazy ahh uncle watching sis loves me, and inappropriate stepmom videos in the bathroom.
I put a fork in the electrical outlet and blew my hand off.
My brother, Linguini, put liquid laxatives in my grandpa's dentures,
and he shit his brains out.
Hey fellas! Its Quandale Dingle here.
I put percs in Vladimir Putin's drink, and he went to bed for a really long time.
I trapped my autistic son's hand in an air fryer.
I dumped boiling water on a prison guards head.
My goofy ahh friend, Jamarius Quangledangle, tried to eat my butt during ramadan.
Greetings! Quandale Dingle here.
My cousin, Henry Bartholomew Dinglenut, got arrested for putting a TNT in a daycare center.
I put a camera in Joe Biden's bathroom and watched him take a poop.
My asian brother, Quanlingling Dingle, put illegal substances in my ramen and I died.
I put bugspray in my little brother's, Quavante Zingleton's, eye.
I smacked my sister that has tourettes because she called me a bad word.
My goofy ahh uncle karate chopped my grandpa's broken knee, and he got turned into a pretzel