i'm sorry for yapping about this but I need to say it to someone

If it's any consolation, you are not a burden. People try to help you because we want you around. We would be devastated if you die. You do not need to worry about the cost you may bring. You are a person, a beautiful person, not an investment to be harvested from. You are most certainly unique. I know nobody that acts like you, I know no one who is brave enough to talk about the stuff in the open like you, I know no one that makes funny memes like you. We love you for all you are, even the things that you are insecure about. I'm sorry you have to move though, it's going to feel horrible at first but eventually you grow to love the place you're in. If you're worried about losing your friends, just know that the ones who truly love you will try to stay in contact with you.
And if none of this helps, I'm sorry. We truly love you

I hate myself. I hate so much about me. I hate that my body is trying so hard to be masculine when I don't want to be. I hate that I grow hair everywhere when I just want to look pretty. I hate that I'm so different from the rest of my family. I hate that I grew up in foster care and that I barely even know some of my siblings. I hate that I'm the only gay person in the family. I hate that we have to move to America soon for reasons out of my or anyone's control. I hate that my body seems to hate me. I hate that I can't sleep. I hate that I'm the only person I know with this problem. I hate that it can't be fixed no matter how hard I try. I hate that any medicine I use only makes me sick and never does anything to help. I hate that I've cost my parents so much money on trying to fix me and it's never worked. I hate that I'm not talented. I hate that whenever I think I'm good at something, someone is always better than me. Someone younger is always better than me. I hate that I have nothing. Nothing that makes me special, nothing that makes me unique, nothing. I hate that people hate me. I hate that whenever I try to be friendly people think it's weird. I hate how corny I sound all the time. I hate that I can't not hate myself. I hate when people listen to what I have to say and all I do is make them sad with my problems. I hate that I just want to go to sleep and never wake up again.

And yet, there's still people who listen to me. As much as I push them away, people still listen to me. They try to show love even when I'm sounding ridiculous. They try to help even though they have no idea what is happening to me. I don't even have any idea what's wrong with me. But there's still someone who is helping me and I want to show him how much I love him for it but I don't know how. I'm blocked off from him in a way that I don't know if I'll ever be able to truly be in love with him. I don't even know if he loves me the same way, or if he even knows if he does or not. I technically don't even know him, and yet, I love him so much because he listens. Even when I tell him not to he listens and he makes me hate myself less. I don't deserve him. I don't deserve anything. But he still is here for me and I love him so much.

Everybody has percieved flaws with themselves. I'm sorry if you're feeling uncomfortable with yourself, all I can say is you don't need to bring yourself down any further. You are a unique individual no matter what. All of these things are unfortunate, and I don't blame you for being uncomfortable with them, but they're also an aspect of being human. There are plenty of positive things about you too. Also, I can sort of relate to the whole "I don't know what's wrong with me, nobody else does either" thing and I completely get the frustration of trying to fix something you don't even understand. Again, sorry you have to go through that. And I'm sorry if I can't help you hate yourself any less, though I myself see nothing worth hating. Everybody has things they need to get off their chest, and you're no exception. There's nothing wrong with venting from time to time, it's better to talk about issues than to push them down and ignore them. There's nothing more I can say beyond the fact that there's no reason to hate yourself, and I apologize for that too, I know it isn't that simple

Don't be sorry for yapping, sometimes you need to yap

i'm yapping too much though. It looks like i'm searching for attention and that's the last thing I want.