the spider who needs to live

Thank you, spider, for so thoroughly and brutally dispatching my enemies. But now... I'm afraid you have outlived your usefulness. You know just enough to be a threat to me, and with that, the future of the house. I will not say dosvidaniya, spider, 'cause I can assure you... We will never... meet... again.

All they do is either sit in a corner doing nothing, setting up face traps on the driveway and porch, or checking the bathroom shelf for bugs.

That spider's americium-241 coulda been used in somethin else like my basement proje-