Sleeping Eevee

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans?

First of all, horrible opener. As we see later, only the male aspect is explained.

Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one.

No, no, they can definitely not handle that. Internal tissue would rip instantly, causing internal bleeding leading to death.
Now, the biological part. Acid armour involves acid. This cam cause inflammatory tissue in the currently discussed region of the human body, leading to excruciating pain, necrosis or infections.

Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore.

There is no evidence that suggests a Vaporeon to be wet to the touch under normal circumstances. Also, friction would be a large factor as water simply is not enough.

They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood.

Attract should only work on Pokémon due to the egg group. This also applies to other mentioned moves. Baby doll Eyes makes you look like a pedophile if you are actually attracted to that. Since most Pokémon are born ready from eggs and do not require motherly nutrition, with notable exceptions like Miltank, there would be no need for nipples on a Pokémon like Vaporeon.

With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white.

Water is simply not viscous enough to get transported at the rate at which this Vaporeon would get internally damaged. And about that last part: It only works with liquids. Semen is partially comprised of separate cells which can surely not change its colour.

Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more

This is basically a summarisation of the above.

...

*sigh*

Hey, did you know that in terms of male human and female pokemon breeding, vaporeon is not the most compatible pokemon for humans? This is a common and understandable misconception, however vaporeon has its human on pokemon breedability outclassed by it's cousin evolution, umbreon. Umbreon boasts an extremely impressive defense stat spread. With it's combination of very high HP, defense and special defense stats, it can take a great pounding and come back for more! It's ability, inner focus allows it to keep slamming attentively, without getting fatigued. Umbreon also has access to the ability synchronise, which allows it to share it's current status with you, meaning you will receive all of the pleasure it feels combined with all the pleasure you're getting from pounding this perfect, breedable pokemon. A great fun fact, umbreon can excrete toxins in it's sweat, which would in turn soak your member and swell it up, making it even more sizable and sensitive. This would not only enhance the experience for you, but for your umbreon as well (which with synchronise, ends up pleasing you exponentially more). It can learn payback, which doubles in power after the pokemon is hit, meaning umbreon will throw it back twice as hard as normally if you're hitting it good. Umbreon can also learn guard swap, it could give you it's insane durability, and go crazy on you all night with your now massive endurance. Speaking of endurance, umbreon also has access to endure, making it practically immune to fatigue, it will always have energy left over. Charm is also within umbreon's movepool, letting it be extremely seductive towards you, easily getting you in the mood. Umbreon can also use taunt, in turn making you only able to do attacking moves such as slam, pound, etc; It's access to the abilities inner focus and synchronise allow it to unwaveringly throw it back and add all of it's pleasure onto yours, effectively making it twice as amazing as any other pokemon, or even four times, factoring in the doubled power of payback of course. All of this information in combination with it's extremely useful movepool in the world of intercourse makes umbreon the most qualified to breed with humans; able to take d**k of any shape, any size, in any position easily for extensive periods of time, while having the ability to return for even more mere seconds later.

What goes?

Other comment

Nah bro-

Leave the Eevees alone

I am going to need to do more research on this. The dissection might take a bit longer. But be prepared!

I am so curious of the same question as him though

What question?

..............................I don't remember.

The only question I see here is that other guy said "what goes?"

*also

-_-

No, really. This is, what, thrice the length of the Vaporeon one? And it contains a lot more movepool material. This will take a while. Also, it will propably not fit inside the max comment length of this comment section.

-__-

Look, I just pulled an allnighter. My sanity is even more broken down than usual, so the resulting scripture would not be pleasant for the both of us.

-___-

Also I just got an art commission and for me, art is higher on the priority list than the debunking of Pokémon E-Sex details, so I will write that later.

Now im curious what do u draw

You can do it bud :)

Trust me; I can.

Yes. Should I go into extreme, likely bannable detail as to why?

No please

Precisely.

However it does raise valid points...

But I still don't endorse it

Name some then.

I speak not of it

Tail Whip is more of a BDSM thing (by the way, let's appreciate that layered acronym for a second.). So if you're into that, I guess that's a thing. As for its body being similar to oobleck, that could be the case. However, we do not have enough information in regards to Pokémon anatomy as it could be severely different from earth's mammal anatomy. Humans in the Pokémon world are technically Pokémon, being in the humanoid egg group with the egg likely being strictly confined to inside the womb. I will regret having said that. Also, for that matter, Ditto would be way better.

(I do appreciate acronyms, I don't know what that specific one means but I can imagine generally using context clues.) But yeah getting smacked by a tail is dependant on personal preference.

Now personally I think the evidence for it being made of a non-newtonian fluid (aka oobleck) is that it can be hit by strong attacks and not have it's body splash everywhere like a water balloon being crushed spiked sledgehammer, while still being soft and squishy enough to hug, pet, and hopefully not do degenerate things to, but we just don't have further official confirmation of this. I think I remember seeing a semi-official Eeveelution themed book that includes indepth biology somewhere on the internet which may give us a little more insight, I'm too lazy to re-find it myself though.

BDSM stands for Bondage and Discipline, Dominance and Submission, Sadism and Masochism, according to Wikipedia.

That's what I figured

Found something quite intricate:
https://drferox.tumblr.com/post/183621393376/fantasy-biology-eevee

Very much so, I doubt any of it's official but certainly fun, I might read it later when I get more time

One second...
I just re-read the entire thing. There is not a single valid point other than the punctuation.

Aight, debunk the entire thing step by step

Hey guys, did you know that in terms of male human and female Pokémon breeding, Vaporeon is the most compatible Pokémon for humans?

First of all, horrible opener. As we see later, only the male aspect is explained.

Not only are they in the field egg group, which is mostly comprised of mammals, Vaporeon are an average of 3”03’ tall and 63.9 pounds, this means they’re large enough to be able handle human dicks, and with their impressive Base Stats for HP and access to Acid Armor, you can be rough with one.

No, no, they can definitely not handle that. Internal tissue would rip instantly, causing internal bleeding leading to death.
Now, the biological part. Acid armour involves acid. This cam cause inflammatory tissue in the currently discussed region of the human body, leading to excruciating pain, necrosis or infections.

Due to their mostly water based biology, there’s no doubt in my mind that an aroused Vaporeon would be incredibly wet, so wet that you could easily have sex with one for hours without getting sore.

There is no evidence that suggests a Vaporeon to be wet to the touch under normal circumstances. Also, friction would be a large factor as water simply is not enough.

They can also learn the moves Attract, Baby-Doll Eyes, Captivate, Charm, and Tail Whip, along with not having fur to hide nipples, so it’d be incredibly easy for one to get you in the mood.

Attract should only work on Pokémon due to the egg group. This also applies to other mentioned moves. Baby doll Eyes makes you look like a pedophile if you are actually attracted to that. Since most Pokémon are born ready from eggs and do not require motherly nutrition, with notable exceptions like Miltank, there would be no need for nipples on a Pokémon like Vaporeon.

With their abilities Water Absorb and Hydration, they can easily recover from fatigue with enough water. No other Pokémon comes close to this level of compatibility. Also, fun fact, if you pull out enough, you can make your Vaporeon turn white.

Water is simply not viscous enough to get transported at the rate at which this Vaporeon would get internally damaged. And about that last part: It only works with liquids. Semen is partially comprised of separate cells which can surely not change its colour.

Vaporeon is literally built for human dick. Ungodly defense stat+high HP pool+Acid Armor means it can take cock all day, all shapes and sizes and still come for more

This is basically a summarisation of the above.

Alright, good points.

Agree with you on the first part they didn't even explain the opposite gender.

Second part I disagree, while the stats are impressive yes, and the however Vaporeon's biology likely doesn't have internal organs, if their body is able to liquidy (I'll explain on the next part) they are likely composed similarly to an amoeba with which means their entire bodies are basically gelatin or oobleck and whatever organs they do have are flexible enough to dissipate so no damage would be caused

That ties in directly to the biology, acid armor likely doesn't actually involve acid and is just a clever name because their body is literally melting, if it functioned as acid then pokemon who attacked physically would be damaged which is not the case and furthermore in the anime it's shown that acid armor causes Vaporeon to turn into a puddle of water (which brings up my own point about vappy being problematic, you can't f--k a puddle)

Third part I do agree on, water alone isn't enough, and we see trainers petting Vaporeon in the anime their hands do not appear to be wet, therefore there's a possibility it's not constantly wet, however it could definitely be.

Part four I once again agree with you, attract only works on opposite gender, unless your in the pokemon world you can't just use the excuse that it used baby doll eyes either, furthermore both of those moves are used by a lot of pokemon so Vaporeon isn't even special in that regard, plus there might not be fur on Vaporeon but there clearly are no nipples either, Idon't have any sort of counter for the tail whip part though.

And lastly part five, I agree with you on that as well, and even if that did work staining it's body white is even more f--ked up.

Do excuse my grammar, I was never too good at it.

Not my first time doing this.

I bet

That Magnitude 6 Earthquake was me cracking my knuckles.

Dayum alright... Cook

HEY GUYS DID YOU KNOW THAT VAPOREON-

I mod this stream. You better not.

… IS A REALLY GOOD POKÉMON TO USE AS YOUR BUDDY IN POKÉMON GO

Pokémon Go touch grass

💀💀💀💀

Good one, I’m gonna use that one against my friends that play the game

8t09vc.gif (click to show)
I KNEW IT