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SYRIA: SCORE! 3 AMERICANS! IRAN: *SLOWLY LOOKS AT SYRIA, HORRIFIED* YOU DID WHAT? SYRIA: MY DRONES! THEY TOOK OUT 3 AMERICANS, IN JORDAN! AREN'T YOU PROUD OF ME? RUSSIA: ALL OF MY FORCES IN SYRIA, MOVE AWAY FROM THAT AREA. IRAN(TO SYRIA): OH, THIS IS BAD...DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH YOU'VE JUST F**KED UP?! SYRIA: WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU SHOOT AT AMERICA ALL THE TIME, AND THEY NEVER DO NOTHING! IRAN: OH MY GOD, WE SHOOT AT THEIR DRONES YOU F**KING IDIOT! IRAN: YOU SEE, AMERICA DOESN'T EVEN CARE IF YOU SHOOT AT THEIR DRONES! THEY'RE JUST MONEY TO THEM! THEY DON'T CARE WHEN YOU EVEN SHOOT AT THEIR BOATS, AS LONG AS YOU MISS! BUT WHEN YOU HURT THEIR PEOPLE?! USA: *STARING WITH MURDEROUS INTENT* I NEED OPTIONS, ORDINANCE, AND INTEL. I WANNA KNOW WHO THESE GUYS ARE, I WANNA KNOW EVERYTHING ABOUT THEM, I WANNA KNOW WHAT LANGUAGE THEY SPEAK, I WANNA KNOW WHO THEIR PARENTS ARE, THEIR KIDS, THEIR BROTHERS, THEIR SISTERS, THEIR AUNTS, THEIR UNCLES, I NEED TO KNOW EVERY PERSON WHOSE EVER COME INTO CONTACT WITH THEM, I WANNA KNOW WHO THEIR HAIRDRESSER IS! I NEED TO KNOW EXACTLY WHERE THEIR FEET ARE ON THIS PLANET AT ANY GIVEN TIME, AND I NEED YOU TO SHOW ME, HOW WE ARE GONNA DEAL WITH THIS SITUATION SO I CAN MAKE A DECISION. IRAN: YOU SEE WHAT THE F**K YOU JUST DID?! LET ME PUT THIS IN PERSPECTIVE FOR YOU! DO YOU REMEMBER WHEN AMERICA PULLED OUT OF AFGHANISTAN- SYRIA: YES, IT WAS A COMPLETE BUMBLING FAILURE! WHY ARE YOU HIGHLIGHTING THA- RUSSIA: DA, SOME THINGS DEFINITELY WENT WRONG FOR AMERICA IN AFGHANISTAN, BUT THEY ALSO MOVED 130,000 PEOPLE 3,000 MILES IN A WEEK. CAN YOU DO THAT? SYRIA: ...WHAT CAN I DO? IRAN: I WOULD START BY PRAYING. USA: IF THEY HAVE A HANGNAIL OR A FOOD ALLERGY, I WANNA F**KING KNOW ABOUT IT.
