dude literally things like this happen all the time, and it's like gambling, most people stop gambling before they hit it big. like this, something great might happen to you, it's just a matter of waiting for it. also killing yourself hurts, and who knows what happens after death. who knows if heaven is real, if you'll just be in a black void, feeling nothing, thinking nothing, but for now, it's sure that you have a lot of time. what you need is a pet to make you feel better. if that doesn't help, see a therapist, talk to a counselor, or just rationalize your thoughts.
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