Being the tiger

"be realistic"

L

Dying

getting bit

be killed

I was simply too slow on the draw and that is the fundamental law of the universe
there's no bother fighting it

poking his eyes and barely escaping

Flailing around

I'd win

That’s pretty easy:
1. Get a jam bread, a rope and a party hat
2. Put the party hat on the tiger
3. Other tigers will come, think that it’s the tiger‘s birthday and lift him up three times
4. While you’re in the air, use the rope to tie the jam bread on the back of the tiger

Sub-explanation: Tigers are a subspecies of cats, therefore they always land on their feet, while the jam bread lands on the jam side. Tying the two together is a famous construct which leads to both infinitely spinning.

5. Because of the spinning, centrifugal force will affect the tiger. This will open the tiger‘s mouth and release you.

Shidding pants