Your mother is so fat that she requires her own gravitational field, causing nearby celestial bodies to orbit around her, her shadow stretches for miles, providing shade to entire towns, her footprints resemble craters on the moon, her belt size is measured in kilometers, dieticians use her as a cautionary tale, she needs a GPS to find her belly button, she breaks the scale every time she steps on it, she's on a first-name basis with every buffet owner, she makes the earth wobble on its axis when she jumps, and her favorite exercise is reaching for the remote.