I love you too
I just don’t feel like it’s worth being here. Maybe I’m wasting my time by trying to be friends with people here. I don’t get enough time and I just don’t feel like I’m seen as a person though, the same way in real life. I wish that I was more appreciated by others. But I do also wish that I was never born so that with my death I’d most likely not cause any hurt or pain. My friends in real life don’t really like me, they just ask for stuff but that’s it. My best friend is rude too, whenever I joke with her she calls me a “bitch” and she blocked me for texting her maybe once or twice, when I was just checking on her since she was not at school. I know she might be joking but it’s hurtful to not be seen as someone who cares but as someone just to get a laugh out of. No matter how much I act, speak or explain my feelings, no one will ever be able to understand what I’ve been through unless they were me. This is why I wish that I was never here, it’s all too complicated and deep. At the same time it all feels so simple, I’m such a weird person. Maybe I’d be normal if I never came here or on the internet, at the same time it saved me. So it destroyed me and made me at the same time, I feel like being here is a drain. Like maybe I’m not meant to be here, do they even want to see me? I don’t understand myself at all. Being 16 will be just like being fifteen, it’s just another year of my life down the drain, I hope that I don’t live any much longer. I don’t think that I’ll have enough energy to be a teenager, let alone an adult. Is it my autism? Am I overthinking or is it just like others think? I just don’t get it anymore. Why do I think so much but I don’t say anything? It’s like I’m my own narrator. This is weird, I’ll stop talking now