SHREK
Written by
Ted Elliott Terry Rossio
Joe Stillman Roger S.H. Schulman
Based on the book by William Steig
SHREK
Once upon a time there was a lovely
princess. But she had an
enchantment upon her of a fearful
sort which could only be broken by
love's first kiss. She was locked
away in a castle guarded by a
terrible fire-breathing dragon.
Many brave knights had attempted to
free her from this dreadful prison,
but non prevailed. She waited in
the dragon's keep in the highest
room of the tallest tower for her
true love and true love's first
kiss. (laughs) Like that's ever
gonna happen. What a load of -
(toilet flush)
Allstar - by Smashmouth begins to play. Shrek goes about his day. While in a nearby town, the villagers get together to go after the ogre.
NIGHT - NEAR SHREK'S HOME
MAN1
Think it's in there?
MAN2
All right. Let's get it!
MAN1
Whoa. Hold on. Do you know what
that thing can do to you?
MAN3
Yeah, it'll grind your bones for
it's bread.
Shrek sneaks up behind them and laughs.
SHREK
Yes, well, actually, that would be
a giant. Now, ogres, oh they're
much worse. They'll make a suit
from your freshly peeled skin.
MEN No!
SHREK
They'll shave your liver. Squeeze
the jelly from your eyes! Actually,
it's quite good on toast.
MAN1
Back! Back, beast! Back! I warn ya!
(waves the torch at
Shrek.)
Shrek calmly licks his fingers and
extinguishes the torch. The men
shrink back away from him. Shrek
roars very loudly and long and his
breath extinguishes all the
remaining torches until the men are
in the dark.
SHREK
This is the part where you run
away.
(The men scramble to get
away. He laughs.)
And stay out! (looks down and picks up a piece of paper. Reads.) "Wanted. Fairy tale creatures."(He sighs and throws the paper over his shoulder.)
THE NEXT DAY
There is a line of fairy tale creatures. The head of the guard sits at a table paying people for bringing the
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