reason 1: mental health
reason 2: i need to focus on my religion more but at first i was gonna say that i need to focus on myself, but i don’t have anything else to live for
reason 3: my health, my mom always calls me a lazy fat ass when i’m not moving, i’m 140 and i’m about 20 pounds over weight, i’m going to start eating less so i can get better
reason 3: my glasses do not have anything to protect my eyes from the light on my screen, and my eyesight is already not the best
reason 4: i don’t feel like i need to be here
reason 5: i hear voices in my head, and sometimes i get the urges to flip out and do crazy things, i also have delusions once in a while, i feel like i should tell my mom about it but i’ve decided to just pray about and let it go,I threw a candle once and she almost sent me to a mental hospital, so if i tell her she’d probably send me there
reason 6: i maybe need to focus on school more even though my grades are fine, i want to study before the next year comes in so i can be prepared
reason 7: i don’t know anything about myself, even when i ask what my values are and what i like i can’t answer it, it’s like i’m someone else living in my body and idk what i want anymore. it’s weird, i feel like something’s wrong with me because i can’t even answer basic questions about myself.
reason 8: i don’t know what to do anymore, i have mood swings from this to that and this to this and i don’t know how to fix it. my mom always says that i’m a mentally ill retard and it’s making me feel even worse. i just wanna know who i am and why i’m like this. is it because i have autism? or is it something worse? i don’t want to tell her because she’ll just give me to a mental hospital or let them do brain test on me. and she’ll never see me the same, not as her daughter but just as some retard with mental problems. i wish that nothing was wrong with me, my dad would most likely see me the same way too. and my friends ad family. she already knows that i’m suicidal, she even made a threat to me because she said that “i was too dry on the phone” and that she’d “beat the shit out of me til the police arrive” and i don’t know if i can talk to her at all.
reason 9:I wish that i knew where i went wrong and i wish that i was normal like everyone else. i can’t do half of the things that normal people do, i can’t even make long lasting relationships or make friends. i can’t even socialize or do anything fun. i feel like i was half made and that something’s missing.
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