I shredded John's Body

I SHREDDED JOHN'S BODY AND FED HIS HANDS TO A TURTLE AND WHEN THE TURTLE WAS DONE EATING JOHN'S HANDS, I MADE A PEANUT BUTTER JELLY SANDWICH WITH THE REMAINS. I THEN HID JOHN'S LEGS AND PUT THEM IN AN AIR FRYER, AND THEN I HID THEM IN MY BASEMENT IN CASE THE FBI CAME TO CHECK. I PUT JOHN'S TORSO OVER A CAMPFIRE TO LET IT COOK, THEN I PUT IT IN A WOOD CHIPPER, AND THEN THE PIECES WERE SMALL ENOUGH TO FIT IN A PESTILENCE JAR. I PUT THEM INTO A RANDOM GUY'S LUGGAGE AT AN AIRPORT, AND HE GOT ARRESTED. THEN I BURNT HIS HEAD AND USED A HELICOPTER'S PROPELLERS TO CHOP HIS BODY INTO TINY PIECES, THEN PUT THE REMAINS IN A ZIPLOCK BAG, TIED A C4 TO THE BAG, THEN PUT IT IN SOMEONE'S MICROWAVE. THEN I TOOK THE REMAINS AFTER THAT AND PUT THEM IN A RANDOM KID'S LOCKER, SO YOU WILL NEVER SEE JOHN AGAIN.