Chocolate options

I NEED ONE OF THE FOLLOWING: A CHOCOLATE DISPENSER ON AN ELLIPTICAL MACHINE THAT HOOKS UP TO MY VITALS AND RELEASES A PIECE OF CHOCOLATE AFTER I'VE BURNED AT LEAST THE AMOUNT OF CALORIES IN THE CHOCOLATE. A MINI, REFRIGERATED SAFE ON A TIMER THAT CAN BE SCHEDULED TO OPEN PERIODICALLY TO GET CHOCOLATE OUT BUT ONCE SHUT, IT WON'T OPEN AGAIN UNTIL THE NEXT SCHEDULED TIME.