the scary thing is how many likes the comments have

Uhhh... Either entirely from you (see your username) or Duolingo alts.

why would i like duolingo, he took my parents

and i me like this

Ah ok. So they're guaranteed all Duolingo alts.

but who has that many alts

Clearly Duolingo

good point

Portuguese or broken knees

French or I hit you with wrench

Turkish or deathish

NOOOOOOOOOOOO, WHOS GONNA PROTECT ME FROM HEROBRINE NOW!!!!!!!!!