I woke up during halloween and opened the television, there was a warning on the news that a vampire is stealing all the balls on the world to create the ultimate nutting machine for infinite food. I was panicking since this could be the end of humanity due to no reproduction so I bought 50 sets of underwear and wore them and went to sleep i woke up with my balls bitten right out but then I remembered that I had a chinese roomate in my house, I walked in on him and he still had his balls but was eating a bat and said "wow this tastes better than most bats". I decided to inform him that the vampire ate my balls and turned into a bat.
He's been vomiting for 3 hours straight now.