KRABS

Sighs *Onii-chaaaaan *jumps up and hugs* Ｏ(≧ ∇ ≦) Ｏ I missed you *sniffs* (*^) *fuah* I love your smell Onii-chan (^w), huh? Do not smell you? Don't be silly Onii-chan, I love you, why can't I show my affection? (─‿‿─) ♡ Hahaha, your face is red. Woah Onii-chan, why are you pushing me on the bed? ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ *Kyaaaaa* don't tickle me Onii-chan haha ​​​​counter attaaaaack *pushes you down* ヽ(>∀<☆)ノ. Hehehe I won! Onii-chan, your face is really red now, Hmmh *smiles* (=^ - ω -^ slightsmile maybe you're falling in love with me? *chuuuuu* (ﾉ ´ з ) ノ *kisses you* Woah O-onii-chan wo what are you doing?! *H-hyyaaaaa*don't take my panties off!Don't look at my private place!(/▽＼*) *Ah* *Ah* Don't lick me there, it's dirty! *Ahhhhhh* *fuah* *ah* *ah* (// ω //) O-onii-chan a-will you put it on? O-ok, I'm ready. (／。＼) *Heeeee* I-it hurts. ~ (> <~) SWW dwon *ah* *ah* *MMMH* O-onii-chan I love you! *AHHHHHHH* *MMMHHH* *AH* *Hah* *Hah*hah* O-ONIII-CHAAANN you baka why did you do that inside? ヽ (д´ *) ノ W-well, if it was good for you, I'm happy, b-but make sure you take responsibility. (ღ˘⌣˘ღ).

Guys, what one is your favorite? Huggy Wuggy, Seek, scary Blue, Zumbo Sauce, Banban, Nabnab… Um, I forgot his name, the frog dude, and, um, yeah. Snow Seline, Banbalina, Stinger Flynn, Opila Bird, and Awesome Huggy Wuggy. This is, uh, me but like I don’t wanna use it. Blue and, uh, I mean, um, Kissy Missy, Killy Willy, um, Choo Choo Charles, right, Boxy Boo but like not evil, and we have evil Boxy Boo. We have Squid Game Huggy Wuggy. We have baby Huggy Wuggy, and Blue, and Freddy Fazbear, oinky oink oink. We have creepy Green. We have happy Huggy Wuggy. Look how happy he is, and we have "What the hell?" We have nobody cares Huggy Wuggy.

Here's why I was gone for a few days. I went to a hotel and luckily I survived Freddy Fazbear's Pizza Parlor, and I went swimming and got a bunch of prizes at the arcade and then we went to Wisconsin Dells and I went to "Ripley's believe it or not" and got some merchandise and went to a candy store and then went to a history museum that had torture devices.

NO!

wdym no

You can't just copypasta my experience

What the hell did you just damn say about me, you little tenant? I'll have you know I own the top real estate in this city, and I've been involved in numerous secret real estate deals, and I have over 300 confirmed properties. I am trained in tenant management and I'm the top landlord in the entire city's real estate industry. You are nothing to me but just another renter. I will evict you with precision the likes of which has never been seen before on this Earth, mark my f**king words. You think you can get away with saying that shit to me over the lease agreement? Think again, freeloader. As we speak I am contacting my secret network of realtors across the city and your lease is being looked at right now so you better prepare for the storm, maggot. The storm that wipes out the pathetic little thing you call your security deposit. You're f**king evicted, kid. I can be anywhere, anytime, and I can kick you out in over seven hundred ways, and that's just with my bare hands. Not only am I extensively trained in property management, but I have access to the entire arsenal of the city's real estate agents and I will use them to their full extent to wipe your miserable ass off the face of my property, you little shit. If only you could have known what unholy retribution your little "clever" complaint was about to bring down upon you, maybe you would have held your f**king tongue. But you couldn't, you didn't, and now you're paying the price, you go***mn idiot. I will shit fury all over you and you will drown in it. You're f**king evicted, kiddo.

Owo💦 Owo💦 Owo💦 What's this💦💦 💋babe💦 😎THAT'S RIGHT📣 I TOOK A PHOTO📷 OF YOU GETTING IT ON WITH A 🐲DRAGON🐲💦💦 O😂😂💋O🎇OO😂OH🎇H😂HHH🎇HH😂😂💦💦📣 Send this to your naughtiest 💋scalies🐲🐲 and you get 🔜da 💯REAL 🐲DRAGON💦 DONG🍌💦 📣TOO😎
Get 5 back you're a 💩BAD💩 💩🐲dragon🐲 😂😂Get 10 back you 🔜get to play😂😂 with a 🐲dragon 🐲DONG 🍌toy 😎Get 15 back you're a 🐲Dragon💋 👑👑Queen👑😎😎 Get 20 back😎💋 you're a 💯TRUE 🐲🐲DRAGON 💦💦💦

Well, I certainly applaud anyone wanting to eat 100 big Macs, but take it from this old McDonald's rat, I've spent my entire adult life eating at McDonnald's, and a program like this one can do more harm than good.
If you only eat big Macs one part of your body (and that's all a single burger type like Big Mac is going to do for you), you're setting yourself up for injuries down the road. I've seen it a hundred times.
Big Macs basically only train the gut muscles and to some extent, the esophagus. What you really want to do is train your entire digestive system, all the major gut groups (esophagus, stomach, colon, liver, and kidneys) at the same time, over the course of a Big Mac meal. So, you will need to add large Big fries, and Large coke with it. Ask for the "Go Big" program.
I'm proud of you guys wanting to do this. Three big meals! Falling in love with eating big Macs, etc., is one of the greatest things you can do for yourself. And you WILL fall in love with it if you can just force yourself to stick with it a year or two and experience the amazing progress you'll make.
But do it right, okay?
My advice, find any McDonnald near you, with qualified burger flippers who will design your burger for you (especially in the beginning, until you get the hang of it yourself) and guide you in your quest for physical fatness. Three to 5 burgers a day, three days a week, is all you'll ever need to do (I refuse to believe anyone is so busy that he or she cannot make time for that, especially considering how important it is).
And don't worry about being embarrassed or not being out of shape the first time you walk into McDonnalds. You have to start somewhere and almost every one of us were there ourselves at one time. So no one will say anything to you and very, very quickly you will progress way beyond that stage anyway.
Now get out there and get fat! :-)

I'M DELETING YOU, DADDY!😭👋
██]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 10% complete.....
████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 35% complete....
███████]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]] 60% complete....
███████████] 99% complete.....
🚫ERROR!🚫 💯True💯 Daddies are irreplaceable 💖I could never delete you Daddy!💖 Send this to ten other 👪Daddies👪 who give you 💦cummies💦 Or never get called ☁️squishy☁️ again❌❌😬😬❌❌ If you get 0 Back: no cummies for you 🚫🚫👿 3 back: you're squishy☁️💦 5 back: you're daddy's kitten😽👼💦 10+ back: Daddy😛😛💕💕💦👅👅

New to this sub but genuine question, why do people in here hate city so much? I am a huge city fan from Indiana. I will be honest I didn’t start watching city until after Ted Lasso season 4, so I really don’t know a lot about the rivalries and stuff like that but I assume most people in here are PSG, Barca and Miami fans so it’s probably just banter. This week has been extra toxic for city fans like myself and it seems like people in here are starting to take things a little too far. Just my thoughts but yeah lol. Let’s keep things on the pitch. Best of luck this season to everyone

femboys awe the futuwe of ouw genyewation uwu, they awe cute, giwwy and wuvs putting things up theiw wittwe swutty boipussy, they awe the pewfect giwwfwiends owo and they wiww wuv you fowevew and evew so they nyuzzwes with you O//W//O wooks at daddy c-can I be youw sexy femboy so you can use me as a c-cummies wag pweaseeeee?

Look, I love TPAB. It's my favorite album of all time, and I'd even go as far as saying that it's one of the best albums of all time, period. But as a frail white boy from a gated community in Vermont, I find it hard to relate to the subject matter of issues in the hood and criticisms of the black community.
So I was wondering if there was something like a To Cut a Panini, a TPAB style album that goes over white issues like having depression, doing LSD, and committing white collar crimes like tax fraud. I don't mean this in a racist way or anything, it's just as a white man I don't need to be told that it's gon' alright, because I already know it'll be because I have a trust fund.
Any and all suggestions will be greatly appreciated. Toodles! 😁👍

No matter how much of a better player you are in strive, it doesnt matter unfortunately.
I dont care what anybody says or think, i am the best at this game by FAR. No one comes even close
Screw the mirror match and rps and gl to everyone in top 8
Peace

I just sold my bussy for 1g of weed and I feel so dirty
I went to the plugs house to get some weed and he knows I'm bi so he asked if I can do him a favor. I won't get into details but I can't sit down my legs are weak and the weed was reggie and mid af. What do I tell my gf?
Edit: stop DMing me you f**king perverts.
Edit 2: I texted her what happened an hour ago. Got left on read and her dad just called me saying he will beat the shit out of me if I talk to his daughter ever again.
Edit 3: I'm going to get counseling. I let my life go out of my control. Thanks for the advice.

My son sold his bussy for weed.
For context, I'm an 85 year old man and I came home today to see my son limping around the house holding a gram of weed. I ask him what's up with the limping (weed is normal in our household) and he suddenly breaks down, crying up how he twerked his ass on somebody's pp for a gram of weed.
I'm starting to see why some parents don't allow their children to smoke weed. His girlfriend found out and he's going to therapy now.
I think I did my job wrong just maybe. I came to ask for advice on what I can do to support my son in these hard times.

THIS KID REALLY LOST HIS F**KING GF AND THE RESPECT OF EVERYONE AT THIS SCHOOL LMFAOOO 💀💀💀 Bro he actually used to be hella popular, had a gf, and everything. Now the whole school is dunking on him. I almost feel bad for him for a second, but then I remember HE SOLD HIS BUSSY FOR A GRAM OF REGGIE LOLLLLLL 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 This kid was getting stuffed into a locker saying, “stop it hurts! It’s too tight!” and someone said, “is that what you told the plug?” and holy f**k I have never heard that many people laugh in my life. I have science class with him, and we’re going over conversions of measurements, so when the teacher asked, “if 1000 grams is a kilogram, then what is a gram?” one of the people in the class blurted out, “SOMETHING WORTH SELLING YOUR ASS OVER!” and it even had the teacher laughing. Yesterday, the DARE program had an anti-weed assembly, and they showed a picture of his face before and after the incident saying weed addiction will make you sell your bussy just to get high and the whole school erupted in laughter when he came on the screen. He ran out of the gym crying, and one of the DARE speakers asked him, “is your bussy so wide that you shit yourself without warning? You poor soul,” and you could just tell he was seething with anger. The funny part is, THERE WAS SHIT FALLING OUT OF HIS SHORTS ON THE WAY OUT LMFAOOO!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Suspira * Onii-chaaaaan * pula e abraça * Ｏ (≧ ∇ ≦) Ｏ Eu senti sua falta * cheira * (* ^ ) * fuah * Eu amo o seu cheiro Onii-chan (^ w ), hein? Não cheirar você? Não seja bobo Onii-chan, eu te amo, por que não posso mostrar meu carinho? (─‿‿─) ♡ Hahaha, seu rosto está vermelho. Woah Onii-chan, por que você está me empurrando para a cama? ヽ (° 〇 °) ﾉ * Kyaaaaa * não me faz cócegas Onii-chan haha ​​counter attaaaaack * empurra você para baixo * ヽ (> ∀ <☆) ノ. Hehehe eu ganhei! Onii-chan, seu rosto está realmente vermelho agora, Hmmh * sorri * (= ^ - ω - ^ slightsmile talvez você esteja se apaixonando por mim? * Chuuuuu * (ﾉ ´ з ) ノ * beija você * Woah O-onii-chan w-o que você está fazendo ?! * H-hyyaaaaa * não tire minha calcinha! Não olhe para o meu lugar privado! ( / ▽ ＼ *) * Ah * * Ah * Não me lamba lá, está sujo! * Ahhhhhh * * fuah * * ah * * ah * (// ω //) O-onii-chan a-você vai colocar? O-ok, eu estou pronto. (／。＼) * Heeeee * eu-dói. ~ (> <~) SWW dwon * ah * * ah * * MMMH * O-onii-chan Eu amo você! * AHHHHHHH * * MMMHHH * * AH * * Hah * * Hah * hah * O-ONIII-CHAAANN você baka, por que você fez isso por dentro? ヽ (д´ *) ノ B-bem, se foi bom para você, eu estou feliz, m-mas certifique-se de assumir a responsabilidade. (ღ˘⌣˘ღ).

Guys, what one is your favorite? Huggy wuggy, Seek, Scary blue, uh Sumbo Sauce, banban, an nabnab, um i forgot his name the frog dude and um yeah, flofaline, bambalina, stingo fleb, um pilla bone, and awesome huggy wuggy, this is uh me but i dont wanna use it um blue, and uh i mean uh kissy missy, killy willy, um Choo Choo charles, boxy boo but like not evil, and we have EVIL boxy boo, we have squid game huggy wuggy. We have baby huggy wuggy, an blue, and fredy fatbear. Oink oinky oink oink. We have, creepy green, we have um happy huggy wuggy, look how hap he is and we have um, what tha hell *blows raspberry*. We have um nobody cares Huggy Wug-.

i find mfs like u really interesting bro. i ain't gon lie this spot is kinda like a personal thing to me you get what i'm saying. it's just like a personal vibe u feel me. what's really crazy is you wouldn't even wanted this if u ain't see me post it u get what i'm saving. i don't even think u really hungry like that tbh bro. so go ahead find yourself something to eat bro go open your fridge bro this not the fridge this the internet u get what i'm saying. this shit taste insane though shit wild seafood pasta uk what i'm saying this shit market price u feel me shit i wish i could put u on but its really a personal vibe u know. i bring my loved ones here so u know what i'm saying u be easy bro

DUDE i just LOVE the hustle and bustle of the big city, it’s so DYNAMIC and makes me feel like i’m in one of my favourite TV SHOWS. you should totally come on down to my studio apartment, it’s got EXPOSED RED BRICK walls and everything, we can crack open a nice hoppy ipa or three and get crazy watching some cartoons on adult swim! and dude, dude, DUDE, we have GOTTA go down to the barcade- listen here, right, it’s a BAR where us ADULTS who do ADULTING can go DRINK. BUT!!!! it’s also an ARCADE like when we were kids, so we can play awesome VIDEO GAMES, without dumb kids bothering us. speaking of which megan and i have finally decided to tie the knot- literally -we’re both getting snipped tomorrow at the hospital, that way we can save money to spent more on ourselves and our FURBABIES. i’m f**kin JACKED man, i’m gonna SLAM this craft beer and pop open another one!!!

WHY YOU WANT RAIL FOR KALASHNIKOV? IS NOT GOOD ENOUGH AS PROCURED FROM IZHEVSK MECHANICAL WORKS? YOU THINK NEEDS IMPROVEMENT? THEN MAYBE YOU FIND JOB WITH ARMY OF RUSSIA! YOU HAVE DRINKS WITH MIKHAIL KALASHNIKOV, TRADE STORY OF MANY WEAPONS DESIGNED AND DETAILS OF SCHOOL FOR ENGINEERING!
OR MAYBE YOU NOT DO THIS. PROBABLY IS BECAUSE YOU NEVER DESIGN WEAPON IN WHOLE LIFE. YOU LOOK AT FINE RUSSIAN RIFLE, THINK IT NEED CRAZY SHIT STICK ON ALL SIDES OF WEAPON. YOU HAVE DISEASE OF AMERICAN CAPITALIST, CHANGE THING THAT IS FINE FOR NO REASON EXCEPT TO LOOK DIFFERENT FROM COMRADE. YOU PUT CHEAP FLASHLIGHT OF CHINESE SLAVE FACTORY ON ONE SIDE, YOU PUT BAD SCOPE OF AMERICAN MIDDLE WEST ON OTHER SIDE, YOU PUT FRONT PISTOL GRIP ON BOTTOM SO YOU ARE LIKE AMERICAN MOVIE GUY JOHN RAMBO. MAYBE YOU PUT SEX D**DO ON TOP TO F**K YOURSELF IN ASSHOLE FOR MAKING SHAMEFUL TRAVESTY OF RIFLE OF MIKHAIL KALASHNIKOV, NO?
RIFLE IS FINE. YOU F**K IT, IT ONLY GET HEAVY AND YOU STILL NO HIT LARGEST SIDE OF BARN. GO TO FIRING RANGE, PRACTICE WITH MANY MAGAZINE OF CARTRIDGE. THEN YOU NOT NEED DUMB SHIT PUT ON SIDE OF RIFLE.

WHAT IN F**K IS DONE TO THIS POOR RIFLE? STUPID HICK AMERICAN WITH TEN GALLON HAT AND GIANT PICKUP TRUCK LOOKS AT PERFECTLY FINE SIMONOV KARBIN AND SAYS "NO, RIFLE NEED MORE DUMB SHIT ON IT"?
WHAT IS REASON FOR PISTOL GRIP? IF YOU NEED TO FIRE FROM HIP IN EMERGENCY, NOW HAND IS TWISTED INTO PAINFUL ANGLE AND YOU MISS EVERY ENEMY! LOOK AT WRONG ANGLE OF BAYONET! LOOK AT CHEAP PLASTIC MAGAZINE THAT FEEDS CARTRIDGE LIKE CONSTANTLY JAMMING PEZ CANDY BOX! WHERE DID CLEANING STICK GO?
I HEAR OF 922 LAW IN AMERICA. ADDING PISTOL GRIP TO WEAPON MEANS YOU CHANGE OTHER PARTS. WHAT ELSE YOU F**K? YOU PUT NEW BOLT EDIFICE? HOW ABOUT BAD FIT RECEIVER COVER FOR CHEAP SCOPE TO SHOW OFF AT HICK PARTY AND NEVER HIT LARGEST SIDE OF BARN?
SURE, IS ONLY YUGOSLAV COPY TYPE BUT IS STILL PROUD DESIGN OF SERGEI SIMONOV. THIS IS LIKE SENDING HIM BIRTHDAY CARD WITH SEVERED OFF THUMB OF DAUGHTER IN ENVELOPE. "HAPPY BIRTHDAY SERGEI! I PISS ON ALL YOU CREATE!" LARGE MOUND FORMS OVER SIMONOV'S GRAVE BY CONSTANT TUMBLING OF HIS ANGRY CORPSE. IS FAULT OF PEOPLE LIKE YOU.
RIFLE WAS FINE BEFORE YOU F**K IT. NOW IS TRASH. MAYBE YOU CHECK IN GARAGE AND ORIGINAL BOLT EDIFICE AND WOOD ARE STILL THERE. MAYBE IS NOT TOO LATE TO KEEP RIFLE SOMETHING NOT SHAMEFUL TO TAKE TO FIRING RANGE. TAKE SHIT OF GOAT AWAY AND COULD STILL BE GOOD WEAPON.

MAIN POINT OF SELLING BELGIAN FIVE SEVEN PISTOL IS EXTREME PRICE OF WEAPON AND CARTRIDGE.
BELGIAN FIVE SEVEN IS WEAPON OF MAN WHO WEARS EXPENSIVE ITALIAN FASCIST SUIT OF HAND SEWING, DRIVE HUGE EXPENSIVE NAZI MERCEDES OF A.M.G. SHOP, SAIL ON MASSIVE YACHT TO GREEK ISLANDS. I THINK YOU GET PICTURE. BELGIAN FIVE SEVEN IS WEAPON THAT SAYS IS NO SUCH THING AS CONCERN OF MONEY.
FOR MAN WITHOUT EXPENSIVE SUIT, BIG BLACK MERCEDES, AND MASSIVE YACHT, BELGIAN FIVE SEVEN IS FOR PRETENDING OF BE RICH LIKE BLACK GANGSTER OF AMERICAN CITY WITH GOLD CHAINS OF LOW QUALITY AND JEWELS OF COLORED GLASS. WHEN YOU EXPLAIN USE OF BELGIAN FIVE SEVEN PISTOL IS ONLY FOR SHOOT MAN WITH BULLET VEST WITH CARTRIDGE ILLEGAL TO CIVILIAN, THIS MAN HAS NUCLEAR RAGE. WHOLE IDENTITY OF THIS MAN IS SPENT IN PRETEND PISTOL SHOWS HE IS RICH. IS VERY AMUSE.
FOR REST OF WORLD THERE IS 9 MILLIMETERS OF LUGER WHICH IS SAME WOUND FOR COST LESS.

Are you guys serious about actually wanting to f**k dragons? What the hell is wrong with you? Why would anyone actually want to take a dragon to bed, lie atop her and run your hands over her body, feeling the bump of every tiny scale caress your hand, softer than your own skin, yet smooth and glassy, and feel her breath against your face as she watches you touch her, knowing what's to come.
Why would anyone in their right mind want to line up your erect cock with her scaly pussy, already wet and swollen with arousal and slowly slip inside her, watching the look of pure ecstasy spread across her face, so exotic yet comfortingly familiar, as her eyes narrow and her mouth opens as a moan of pleasure escapes her and she wraps her wings around you, enveloping you in her warm embrace. You can't seriously want to feel her claws grip around your back and she holds on to you, letting you know you are hers and she is yours as you slowly thrust into her, back and forth, picking up speed as you both make louder and more animistic sounds. Her breathing quickens and her back arches, her hind legs wrap around yours, making you to thrust deeper into her as her tight va**nal muscles clamp down on your cock, sending you over the edge and quickly bringing an orgasm of your own. The pleasure overtakes you until you can't hold back and with a final thrust, empty your balls deep into the dragon below you who's writhing in shuddering ecstasy of her own. Eventually it subsides and she reaches up, licking a bead of sweat off your neck, then nuzzles her face against yours as you both regain your breath.

Imagine, if you will, you’re a 31 year old ATF agent. You’ve been on the force for a while now when you get assigned to a somewhat routine mission. Some wacko has been evading his taxes as well as stocking up on illegal weaponry. You and a few of your fellow agents are advancing towards his compound through his extraordinarily long driveway when you hear it. The distinct noise of a small, propeller driven aircraft. You think *”Oh great, the bastards making a run for it”* when another noise breaks the silence among the advancing agents. You remember hearing it when you were pinned down in Afghanistan, asking for fire support towards that go***mned hill. You heard it when you rewatched combat footage from another soldiers perspective. You hoped and prayed you would never hear that noise again unless it wasnt aimed towards you. And by god, today it is. As you see your comrades getting mowed down I’m front of you, the distinctive *BRRRRRRRRRT* of a 30mm auto cannon erupts shortly after the first bullets hit their targets. The small plane then goes around for another run, miraculously leaving you in one piece, when you see something else that makes you feel even more fear than a CAS Cessna. An orange barrel, a large hazard symbol, and what looked like some sort of detonation rig. The Star Spangled Banner blares over several loudspeakers as the man youre trying to capture announces, *”TAXATION IS THEFT! DOWN WITH BIG PHARMA! ANCAPISTAN FOREVER!”*. Though it’s not what you would’ve hoped to hear, it’s the last thing you’ll ever hear.

Folks, the bourgeois, they're no good, more and more people are saying it. All these workers— the biggest, we have the biggest workers— very handsome workers come up to me and say, Comrade Trump there is a specter haunting Europe, and you know what, they're right. These bourgeois are very nasty people, very very rude, and very unfair to the workers. They are stealing our surplus value and no one is doing anything about it. The proletariat comes up to me every day and says, Comrade Trump will you lead the revolution? And I gotta turn to them and say look, the instruments of capitalism will be used to bring about its destruction, believe me. The means of production, Obama never wanted to seize them. Well guess what? I'm seizing them. Landlords? They're done for folks. Everyone told me— they said, Comrade Trump you won't be the vanguard of the revolution and they would laugh, the media laughed the democrats laughed, guess who's laughing now?

So me and my friend have been living inside the same house for about a month now. We are short on money and usually only one of us has a vape at one time so we always share. He usually borrows my vape for a little bit and brings it back but recently he’s been taking it for at least an hour at a time. I thought nothing of it until one day he handed it back to me and it had an odd taste. I thought it might be a problem with the vape but it got worse and didn’t taste burnt so I popped it open and there was a thick layer of slimy cloudy liquid. I immediately was in denial that it was his cum and tried to think of every other possibility but it was definitely cum. This was yesterday and I already got myself a new vape but I still haven’t confronted him about it. What was he even trying to do? I’m just so confused and don’t know how to handle this.

slams you against the wall and nibbles your neck, you can feel his beard tickle you "his gasps are so hot" you think while he's undressing you. after undressing you he whispers behind you ear "i want to lick all over your..." he stops and realizes that his kids watched all the scene...

I know the title sounds deranged, but I swear to god im not a troll. Here’s the context:
My bf and I are long distance, so we used to have plenty of phone sex, however, that’s been happening less and less often as our relationship has gone on (according to him, he just doesn’t feel as horny as often anymore). We’ve met and had relations irl a few times, and he’s always the kind to last very long in bed, and during phone sex as well. I used to be insecure about it, thinking that maybe it was something wrong with me, but hes genuinely a great bf who constantly assures me, and has never once said anything bad about our sex life.
It should be noted that he watches plenty of porn (as do I), and neither of us see that as an issue, so this isnt about him hiding porn from me or something. We were calling today, and I was playing a game on my phone (papa’s cupcakeria, you can’t make this shit up), and after about twenty minutes of us doing our own thing, he suddenly goes “im done” and shows me his cum????? Obviously, I get really confused and ask how the hell he was jerking off this whole time without me realising (we were on video call), before mentioning that I thought he was looking at the stock market (he spends his free time just staring at the stock market for hours on end like a lunatic, but I love him so it’s whatever).
Tell me why this man then looks me in the eyes and goes “yeah, I was looking at the stock market, I was too lazy to look for porn.”
It then hits me that he literally just CAME to the stock market. When I point this out to him, all he said in response was “it’s a man thing, I didn’t wanna bother you while you were playing your game” and told me not to worry about it.
Now, I don’t want to sound insane, but I got a bit upset, because in my head, he could have very easily asked to have phone sex with me, but chose to literally jerk off to the stock market instead. To add insult to injury, he came REALLY quickly (like significantly quicker than he would during anything involving me) which makes me feel like SHIT, because there is no way the go***mn stock market is somehow more stimulating than his own damn girlfriend.
Don’t get me wrong, i’m not super genuinely upset, but you’ve gotta admit this shits gonna hurt your pride if it happened to you. I honest to god have no idea how to even move forward after this, and I just needed to type this out, because no one would believe me otherwise 💀