suggestions:
-' The day was a cool, early fall day'... try show don't tell, describe the day and surroundings, like the leaves of trees, the frost on nearby windows, ect.
-try to build some 'casual tension', example:
Now I was lost in the middle of New York City!; Now I mindlessly wandered the bustling streets, skyscrapers looming over the narrow footpaths.
-try to draw out action slightly more, with intense tension build. This can be done by being more descriptive about being out of breath, burning in legs, urging to push themselves faster and faster, ect., and using slightly shorter sentences, each with a single focus, listed above.
that's all i can see so far
Caption this Meme
