Well it's not a dumb argument. It's me being absolutely fed up with you not taking my feelings seriously, and the fact that you seem to be so fully okay with taking me for granted because you know that I'll always come crawling back.
And if you think I'm referring to this instance only
1. The time you broke up with me over text for being emotionally unavailable after I told you prior to that I was having a difficult week and stated the reason why.
2. That time you spent all of homecoming on snapchat and barely spoke to me all night
3. That time you were so unbelievably disinterested when I showed you the finished version of party girl for the first time (I spoke to Dennis about this too, he gave me a full apology and changed his actions to reflect his words)
4. When you decided you'd rather spend a day sitting in a classroom and texting than helping me go over choreography.
5. When I was having a mental breakdown after a hard rehearsal I still managed to feel like your last priority. While I can't reasonably expect someone to drop everything at a whim you never checked in after when you were free.
6. The whole phone in pack situation where I clearly expressed how it made me feel and yet you continued to do it anyway. Repeatedly.
Justify these things all you want just because you don't think they're a big deal doesn't mean I wasn't hurt by them immensely. And I'm just naming the things that happened this year. I'm not going to act like you were never there for me, because you absolutely have been, but the recurring trend is that I'm not allowed to be upset about things because you can't handle anyone even implying that you might be wrong. And tbh it's made you kinda hard to be around lately.
And I thought about that and how I can act the exact same way sometimes, but then I realized that I mostly critique someone's choices, not their character. Good people can make bad choices and bad people are capable of becoming better. I've also made some bad choices in recent times and there were times I could have handled conflict a lot better than I did, but I take the hurt people feel seriously even if I fail to understand their reasoning. And I try to make it better. And when that is said and done, I keep being better so I don't have to keep apologizing for the same things.
The bottom line is, you don't get to decide what people are hurt by. You have to accept that you hurt them and ask how to make it better. And then you can either decide if you're willing to make that change or if you are fine with them choosing to distance themself.
I won't say that I've been an absolutely perfect friend and if you want to discuss the things that I've done that upset you then I am open to the conversation, but I have never disregarded someone the way I've been disregarded by you. And during all the times I was mad at you i never unfriended you first. And over something so trivial as well. This is not the catalyst, this is the final straw.
I am sorry for the tone I used on Friday. I should not have spoken to you that way. But I do still believe what I said. And that's why I did not apologize back when I received it. And it's also why I did not say that I forgave you nor that I accepted your apology.
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All of that was written last night, here we switch into present time and my new perspective with the information I have just been given. If I’m being honest I don’t even know how to move forward now knowing that the main problem has now been eliminated. Because now that it’s gone there’s no real way to receive closure or to know if you would be willing to change. So now I’m just left with a bad taste in my mouth and facing a chance to let things go back to where it was before. Like it or not the things that have transpired have changed the way that I look at you. If this were some one off thing I really wouldn’t care that much but it’s not and I do.
I mentioned the need to inquire on how to make a situation better. There isn’t a straightforward way to make it better anymore even if it pains me to admit it. I’m not going to hold forgiveness over your head because these things take time. It takes time but you also need to work for it. I don’t need you to be absolutely obsessed with me and I probably won’t bring this up again unless it’s entirely necessary.
If you want to continue being close friends, here’s what needs to be made clear
1. I cannot continue to be considered disposable. Even if there is strength in independence there’s more strength in vulnerability.
2. If you have something to say that could make me unhappy then I need to hear it if you think it needs to be said.
3. Attempt to understand where I’m coming from during a disagreement instead of blocking away the conflict and just expecting it to resolve itself.
There’s more that can be listed but it’s a start. This is not me saying that you can’t fix things and that we can’t be close again. You can fix things and I fully believe that you have the ability to do so.
This is also not something I’m doing because I’m upset about this singular thing, it truly pains me that it’s come to this because the thought of you not being around anymore is terrifying. But you just make me feel so worthless at times and I don’t even think you know you’re doing it. And now you do. I want to move past this but moving past this means that it can’t keep happening.
Take this information however you want. I can’t make you do anything. But whatever the outcome is, it’s going to be your decision at the end of the day.
If there’s anything that I do that upsets you, I encourage you to tell me. I won’t try to justify it, I would like to know how to make it better. I’m willing to put in the work, but I need to see some of that love returned for it.
This is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but I believe we can grow from this. I’d like to know if willing to try. read the caption if you want to see what she said
Caption this Meme
