September 11, 2000

he was ballin

And lo, in a court of hoops and nets, there came to pass a most wondrous game of basketball. For there in that hallowed space did the resurrected Lord Jesus Christ and the foul fiend Satan himself take to the court, each clad in their jerseys of red and black.

And as the game began, the ball did fly and bounce between the two, with Christ displaying a skill and grace most divine, while Satan sought to employ his wicked ways to gain the upper hand.

Yet for all his infernal cunning, Satan found himself unable to best the Son of God, for Jesus moved with a swiftness and agility that left the devil in awe. And though Satan did make many a shot, Christ did answer each in kind, and soon it was apparent to all who watched that victory would be the Lord's.

And so it came to pass that, with a final flourish of his wrist, Jesus did score the winning basket, and the crowd did erupt in shouts of joy and praise. For they had witnessed a most holy contest, one that had been fought with skill and honor, and had ended in the triumph of the Savior over the forces of darkness.

And so it shall be written in the annals of basketball, that on that day, the Lord did show himself to be the greatest player of all, and that Satan did bow before him in defeat.

And it came to pass that a man was troubled by a peanut butter sandwich, for it had been placed within his VCR, and he knew not how to remove it.

And he cried out to the Lord, saying, "Oh, Lord, how can I remove this sandwich from my VCR, for it is stuck fast and will not budge?"

And the Lord spoke unto him, saying, "Fear not, my child, for I shall guide thy hand and show thee the way. Take thy butter knife, and carefully insert it between the sandwich and the VCR, and gently pry them apart. And with patience and perseverance, the sandwich shall be removed, and thy VCR shall be saved."

And the man did as the Lord commanded, and lo and behold, the sandwich was removed from the VCR, and the man was saved.

And the Lord said, "Verily I say unto thee, seek not to put thy peanut butter sandwiches in thy VCR, for it is not a suitable place for such things. Rather, keep thy sandwiches in thy refrigerator or on thy plate, where they belong."

And the man heeded the Lord's words, and from that day forth, he kept his sandwiches in their proper place, and was saved from trouble and woe. Amen.

STOP, YOU'RE NOT FUNNY

Nice opinion 👍