TF2 Heavy

Heavy: Ya-da-da-da-da-da- It is good day to be not dead!

Engineer: POW! You are dead!

Heavy: I am dead!

Engineer: Chuckling, while spy is doing the conga towards the scene (The Engineer says aw, shucks” as the Spy gets close.)

Spy: Oh! The Heavy is dead!

Heavy: Yes (Sandwich). I am dead!

Spy: Why is the Heavy dead?!

Engineer: I dunno.

Heavy: I think it was-

Engineer & Spy: Shhh, you are dead!

Heavy: Ok.

(Sniper enters scene exiting van)

Sniper: What's up, you wankers?! Who’s up for a- AH! What the- bloody hell just happened?!

Engineer & Spy: The Heavy is dead!

(A, B, C, or D game starts)

Sniper: The Heavy is dead!

Spy: Correct!

(Option C lights up and celebration music starts playing)

Spy: So, did you see the murderer?

Engineer and Sniper: Nah, sorry mate.

Spy: Slams hand on desk I will find him, I will capture him, and no one will ever die again!

(Engineer and Sniper applause)

Sniper: Ah, well that's nice.

Engineer: I am damn proud right now.

(Soldier appears in scene)

Soldier: Atteeeeeeeeention!

(Soldier rushes to dead Heavy)

Soldier: That Heavy is dead!

Spy: We know!

Soldier: Who killed him?!

Spy: We don’t know!

Soldier: I will find clues!

(Soldier searches through pile of stuff while sniffing)

Soldier: What's that? Grabs gun A weapon?! That thing is why the Heavy is dead!

Engineer, Sniper, and Spy: The Heavy is dead?!

Soldier: Slams hands on desk Yes, (Intense background appears) he died!

Engineer, Sniper, and Spy: All shocked

(Intense background stops, showing the Engineer, Sniper, and Spy standing in front of a green screen)

Medic: (From far away) Incoming!

(Ambulance crashes Soldier into a building wall, killing him.)

Medic: Exits out of Ambulance Raus, raus! Pushes Engineer, Sniper, and Spy away from Heavy Move now! Kisses Heavy on head

(Heavenly music sounds while the light focuses on Heavy)

Heavy: (Rising in air) Hohoho, Hea- Explodes Oof.

Medic: In my medical opinion, that Heavy is dead!

(Camera rotates to Sniper)

Sniper: Doc, what happened?

Medic: My professional opinion? Slams hands on desk then turns to the right (Intense background comes in) The Heavy was killed!

(Intense background stops)

Engineer, Sniper, and Spy: Panicking

Medic: I don’t think it’s anything to worry about.

Spy: Well, now what?

(Scout entering while doing the conga in the background)

Scout: Clipidy clop mother****er! Boom!

Spy: Says “Oh, come on.” before Scout says boom

Scout: Look at this! The freaking Heavy is dead! P

Pause What do you think of that? Pause Ahm…

Spy: Yes, yes, Scout.

Scout: Yea?

Spy: Go home!

(Scout’s mother appears in a car telling Scout to get in)

Scout: Ah come on! Pffff! Freaking unbelievable seriously, you all suck.

(Car drives off and crashing noise is heard)

Scout: Screams of pain

Spy: Ok, let’s get back to the point.

Heavy: Poking at his dead body I think Heavy is dead.

Engineer, Sniper, Spy, and Medic: The Heavy is dead?!

Medic: Turns around and notices dead scout in burning car Scout! I will heal you- Car explodes and camera goes back to Heavy

Heavy: Oh, Seriously?! Who killed Heavy?!

(Camera shows on Demoman drinking Scrumpy)

Demoman: Slurp Slurp It was me!

Engineer, Sniper, Spy, and Heavy: Shocked

Demoman: Yes! Bottle of Scrumpy slides up Demoman’s body and Demoman eats the bottle I did it like this: Takes out a revolver and shoots Sniper in chest Boom! Demoman flies off from force of revolver blast

Sniper: Screams of pain

Demoman: Woop dee doo!

Engineer, Spy, and Heavy: Are terrified seeing Sniper’s dead body

Demoman: Burps That’s a joke, lads.

Engineer, Spy, and Heavy: Starts laughing like crazy

Demoman: Slurp Slurp Burp It was… yo-... Burp Points at Engineer Him!

Engineer: Shocked How did you know?!

Demoman: I didn’t. Burps That was a joke too.

(Camera moves to Engineer, as the Demoman keeps drinking faster)

Demoman: Falls on ground Oh, I’m dead.

Engineer: Manic laughter That’s right! It was me!

Spy: You monster!

Heavy: But whyyyyy?

Engineer: Cause you’re fat, boy. And another thing, you’re ugly.

Heavy: Engineer, stop!

Engineer and Heavy: Arguing

Spy: Shrugs (Text appears saying : IT’S TRADITION)

Engineer: Ah dammit Heavy **** off! You are dead.

Heavy: No u, POW! Haha.

(Engineer falls dead on floor)

Heavy: You are dead! Not big surprise.

Spy: Well that was idiotic. Off to hang myself! Spy doing flip on noose Watch and lea- Choking noises

Heavy: I am alive! Is nice. Yes, this is stupid

Perfection

Yadaylalaydada, it is good day to
Be not dead!

POW! you are Dead!

I AM DEAD!

*spy doing conga in background* oh! the heavy is ded!

Yes
I AM DEAD!

why is the heavy dead?

I dont know!

*Sniper arrives in a trailer* who's up for a ($)

ah! what da hell just happened?

The heavy is dead!

So, have you seen the MURDERER??

the heavy is dead?

Correct!

Medic: Move now! Then proceeds to kiss the heavy for then he comes back to life for about 3 seconds

I’m my medical opinion is that THE HEAVY IS DEAD!

doc, what happened?

In my medical opinion is that THE HEAVY WAS KILLED!

*literal panicking*

I don't think it's anything to worry about

Well, now what?

*Scout appears out of nowhere*
LOOK AT THIS, THE FREAKIN HEAVY'S DEAD! What do ya think of that? uhhh...

yes, yes, scout.

YEAH!

Go home!

*Cont. from last comment* *victory music* so, did you see the murderer?

Nope, sorry mate.

i will find him, i will capture him, and no one will ever die again.

*sped-up clapping* nice
Danm proud right now.

*Soldier shows up*
ATTEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEENTION!!!!

THE HEAVY IS DEAD?!

We know!

WHO KILLED HIM?!

Idk!

I WILL FIND CLUES! *sniffing the ground* WHAT'S THAT?! A WEAPON!, THAT THING IS WHY THE HEAVY IS DEAD!!!

THE HEAVY IS DEAD?

YES! HE DIED! *Soldier was immediately run over by an ambulance*

Continuation from last comment: *Scout's mom waves* AW C'MON!!!! PFFFT FREAKIN UNBELIEVABLE, NOW SERIOUSLY *Scout's car crashes into wall*

ok, lets get back to the point.

*Heavy pokes his own corpse*

I think Heavy is dead

*gasp* the heavy is dead?! *medic notices scout* SCOUT, I WILL HEAL YOU- *dies in explosion*

Seriously *fart noise* WHO KILLED HEAVY!!!???!?!!?

Pyro: Hmphhh?! (Heavy Is Dead?!)