Onan walks out onto the stage, greeted by the cheers of the audience. "Thank you, thank you, it's good to be back here with all of you tonight!" he exclaims.
"Well folks, it's been a wild day in the news. Apparently, there's a new drug called 'e-meth' that's spreading like wildfire. It's like regular meth, but with a USB port. I mean, who comes up with these things?" he jokes, shaking his head.
*laughter*
"Maybe that's how the, ah, child pornography incident started yesterday. Damn, that was intense. Way to start off spring, huh?"
*laughter*
"But that's not all, folks. Believe it or not, I actually have more than 2 things to cover today. There's also a standoff in Oregon involving illegal weapons. It's like the Wild West out there! I hope they can resolve this peacefully. I mean, seriously, I'd think the government's doing enough up there to keep them under control."
*laughter*
"Anyway, on a lighter note, I hope you all have been enjoying your Taco Tuesday, I know I have. My wife cooked me some tacos made out of child's beef, if you know what I mean. But, we do have a great show tonight, because tonight we have a very special guest joining us. This artist just dropped a new album today and it's already making waves. I'm talking about none other than the one and only, Peter Griffin!" he announces, eliciting cheers and applause from the audience.
"So stick around, folks, because after the break we'll be sitting down with Peter to talk about her new album and maybe even get a special performance. You don't want to miss it!"
*cheers as Onan walks over to his desk*
Onan: "So, Walt, my second-most loyal companion in this set, how's your day been?"
Walt: "Okay, I suppose. That e-meth's been hittin' hard."
Onan: ...
*laughter*
Onan: "Right... well, Ricky is unfortunately sick, we hope he gets better soon. But stick around, everybody!"
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