Perk Sodas should be
Milk's Milk: provides extra health, and extra calcium, which means extra kidney stones.
Sex Master Speeeeeeeed: provides a rush of endurance using a mix of Sex Master's dandruff, tears, and eyeball jello. Don't worry, she's probably fine.
OJ Juice: provides faster reload speed, from the juices is in your veins. Also makes you really good at protecting diseases. One of Cory's voice lines to drinking this is that he comments that is tastes exactly like OJ does, and then wonders if he should've said that out loud.
Low Tier God's electric motivation juice: lets you revive people quicker, and gives a lot of motivation to...uhh...thing.