Late Night with Onan Co'Brien

i ated pizza that day 😲

Ricky: From BBC Studios in MSMG CITY, it's Late Night with Onan Co'Brien!

Tonight, William Brians, Candice Nutts, and musical guest NYTF$!

With me, Ricky Anders, and the Heisenberg 7! And now, here's your host, ONAN CO'BRIEN!

[The show starts with the theme music playing, and the camera cuts to Onan standing in front of the curtains.]

Onan: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Late Night, and it's great to be here with all of you tonight.

[Cheers and applause from the audience]

Onan: So, let's get right to it, shall we? I don't know if you've all heard, but there are reports of men using estrogen to become more feminine. That's right, guys, if you want to be more like a woman, just pop some estrogen pills! It's like Viagra, but in reverse.

[Laughter from the audience]

Onan: But seriously, folks, not much else is happening in the news today. And on slow news days like this, you just have to go with the flow, you know? You have to let it happen naturally. Like when women drive, for example.

[Laughter and cheers from the audience]

Onan: Oh, come on, it's International Women's Day! You know I'm just joking. But in all seriousness, folks, let's take a moment to recognize the amazing contributions that women have made to society. Without women, where would we be? No sandwiches! All our dishes would be dirty!

[Cheers and applause from the audience]

Onan: Speaking of women, did you hear about the woman who tried to take a selfie with a jaguar at the zoo? Yeah, apparently she got a little too close and the jaguar attacked her. I guess the jaguar wasn't feeling very photogenic that day.

[Laughter from the audience]

Onan: Well, that's it for me. Stick around after the commercial break, because we have a very special guest, William Brians, host of the nightly news. We'll be right back.

[Onan walks over to his desk as the house band plays a jazzy tune, and the show cuts to a commercial break.]

i ated spaghetti that day 😲

[The show returns from the commercial break and the camera cuts to Onan and Ricky at the desk.]

Onan: Welcome back, everybody! I hope you're all enjoying the show so far. Ricky, did you catch that segment on the rising use of estrogen among men?

Ricky: Yeah, I did. It's crazy, isn't it?

Onan: Absolutely. It's like everyone is trying to be someone they're not these days. Speaking of which, have you been hitting the estrogen pills lately?

Ricky: [laughs] What? No, man, why would you even suggest that?

Onan: [laughs] I don't know, just trying to keep things interesting around here. Anyway, let's check in with Walt over there. [the camera cuts to Walt, the band leader, with his emotionless face] How are you doing, Walt?

Walt: [monotone] I'm doing fine, Onan.

Onan: [laughs] As always, the life of the party. [turns back to the camera] Alright, enough of that. Let's get back to business. Joining me now is William Brians, the host of the nightly news. Welcome to the show, William.

[William walks out from the curtains and shakes hands with Onan before sitting down.]

William: Thank you for having me, Onan.

Onan: So, William, it's been a slow news day today. Anything exciting happening in the world?

William: [smiling] Well, there's always something happening in the world, Onan. It's just a matter of finding the right stories to cover.

Onan: [nodding] Of course, of course. Now, as the host of the nightly news, you must have access to all kinds of interesting stories and people. Who's been your favorite guest so far?

[The camera cuts to William, who thinks for a moment before answering.]

William: Hmm, that's a tough one. I've had the opportunity to interview some truly fascinating people over the years. But I have to say, one of my idols was John F. Kennedy. Mindblowing.
Onan: [nodding] Ah, yes, a classic choice. Well, thank you for joining us today, William. It was a pleasure having you on the show.

William: Thank you, Onan. It was a pleasure being here.

Onan: [turns to the camera] We'll be right back after this commercial break. But don't go anywhere, because coming up next, we have the lovely and talented Candice Nutts.

[Commercials]

[The show returns from commercial break, and the camera cuts to Onan.]

Onan: Welcome back, everyone. I'm excited to welcome our next guest, the lovely and talented Candice Nutts.

[Candice walks out and sits down next to Onan.]

Onan: So, Candice, tell us about your latest project.

Candice: Well, I'm currently working on a new film that's set to come out later this year. It's a romantic comedy, and I'm really excited about it.

Onan: That sounds great. I'm sure your fans can't wait to see it. Now, I heard that you're a big fan of cue cards.

Candice: [laughs] Yes, that's true. I find them really helpful when I'm memorizing my lines.

Onan: Well, we have a little game for you. We're going to hold up some cue cards, and you have to guess the word or phrase on them. Are you ready?

Candice: [smiling] I'm ready.

Onan: Okay, first one... [holds up a cue card] "Swimming in Jello."

Candice: [starts flailing her arms and legs as if swimming in a thick substance]

Ricky: [laughs] That's perfect!

Onan: Alright, next one... [holds up another cue card] "Trying to catch a greased pig."

Candice: [pretends to run around frantically, making grabbing motions with her hands]

Onan: [laughs] You're really good at this! Last one... [holds up the final cue card] "Eating a hot dog without hands."

Candice: [uses her mouth to grab the hot dog from the air and starts munching on it]

Ricky: [laughs uncontrollably]

Onan: [smiling] I think we have a winner here, folks. Candice, you nailed it!

Candice: [laughs] Thank you, thank you. That was so much fun!

Onan: [smiling] Well, we're glad you enjoyed it. Thanks for playing, Candice. And now, after the commercial break, we'll have a performance by NYTF$. Stay tuned!

Onan: [laughing] That was great, Candice. Thank you so much for playing along with us.

Candice: Thank you for having me. It was a lot of fun.

Onan: Alright, stay tuned for NYTF$!

[Show goes to commercial]

[The camera cuts back to Onan at his desk]

Onan: "Welcome back, folks! I hope you enjoyed that fantastic performance by NYTF$! They never disappoint, do they?"

[The audience cheers and claps]

Onan: "Well, that's all the time we have for tonight. I want to thank our guests, William Brians and Candice Nutts, for coming on the show and making it such a memorable evening."

[William and Candice wave to the audience]

Onan: "And of course, I want to thank our sidekick and announcer, Ricky, for always keeping us on our toes."

[Ricky takes a bow, and the audience applauds]

Onan: "But most importantly, I want to thank all of you for tuning in and making this show a success. Remember, tune in to 'Tomorrow with Snyd Thompson' right after this, and be sure to catch a new episode of our show tomorrow night."

[The audience cheers and claps as the credits start to roll]

Onan: "Thanks for watching, folks, and have a great night!"

[Onan walks over to NYTF$ and shakes their hands as the show ends and the credits roll]

I ated borgor that day😲