Ricky: From BBC Studios in MSMG CITY, it's Late Night with Onan Co'Brien!
Tonight, William Brians, Candice Nutts, and musical guest NYTF$!
With me, Ricky Anders, and the Heisenberg 7! And now, here's your host, ONAN CO'BRIEN!
[The show starts with the theme music playing, and the camera cuts to Onan standing in front of the curtains.]
Onan: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen! Welcome to Late Night, and it's great to be here with all of you tonight.
[Cheers and applause from the audience]
Onan: So, let's get right to it, shall we? I don't know if you've all heard, but there are reports of men using estrogen to become more feminine. That's right, guys, if you want to be more like a woman, just pop some estrogen pills! It's like Viagra, but in reverse.
[Laughter from the audience]
Onan: But seriously, folks, not much else is happening in the news today. And on slow news days like this, you just have to go with the flow, you know? You have to let it happen naturally. Like when women drive, for example.
[Laughter and cheers from the audience]
Onan: Oh, come on, it's International Women's Day! You know I'm just joking. But in all seriousness, folks, let's take a moment to recognize the amazing contributions that women have made to society. Without women, where would we be? No sandwiches! All our dishes would be dirty!
[Cheers and applause from the audience]
Onan: Speaking of women, did you hear about the woman who tried to take a selfie with a jaguar at the zoo? Yeah, apparently she got a little too close and the jaguar attacked her. I guess the jaguar wasn't feeling very photogenic that day.
[Laughter from the audience]
Onan: Well, that's it for me. Stick around after the commercial break, because we have a very special guest, William Brians, host of the nightly news. We'll be right back.
[Onan walks over to his desk as the house band plays a jazzy tune, and the show cuts to a commercial break.]